© Perfect Tosca

Merry Christmas to my dog and cat friends and other species too!

2010-12-23T19:45:00.014-05:00

I luv yas even if The Woman won't let me post and still gives me those same crappy biscuits.

Me and my cats Mojo, Roni and $nack made this just for you. We're so hot! Give it about a half a minute to load, don't be impatient puppies! You know I'm worth it!

Personalize funny videos and birthday eCards at JibJab!

Boy, I sure am a lucky dog!

2010-03-19T05:00:00.005-04:00

I've been gone from blogging for a year and my last post was on March 19 of last year, which happens to be my Perfect Birthday. So whodathunk that some of you guys would still stop by to wish me happy birthday this year too! But sure enough, there you were, wishing me Happy Birthday in the post below this one. So I figured the woman would melt a little and let me blog today. I mean, you guys went the extra mile for me, right?

Of course, being a Perfect Collie, who could blame you? I'll have you know I am 4 years old now, which means I'm still young enough to catch a squirrel, which I haven't done as yet. But when I do, it's gonna be Bonsai!!!, let me tell you!

I hope you doods and doodettes of all species are all doing well. I have been gone so long I don't even know how to blog anymore, thanks to The Woman.

Just because I love you all, here's a video of me about to get the crap beaten out of me by the Grey Ghost.

Not that I wasn't asking for it or anything, right? But the woman was egging me on! You can tell!

I hope you don't notice the very end where we both jump off the couch and you can hear me whining while he beats the snot out of me. I begged her to cut that part out but she said, No Tosca! Everyone should hear how you whine!

Ok so here I am sulking and moanind with a duckie after he was done wiping the floor with me. I hope you are all satisfied. Let me tell you, living with this cat is hell. Well, okay, I love him, but that's only because I'm stupid.

Today's my birthday!

2009-03-19T00:30:00.001-04:00

Where's my present????

Let Sleeping Collies Lie

2009-01-27T22:19:00.016-05:00

My cousins Essex and Deacon over at Key West Collies said that we Collies have to come up with Sleeping Collie pictures. Something about showing Sheltie people that we Collies look just as cute sleeping. Just a lot bigger with needle noses.

The thing is, I gotta confess, I never sleep alone. Usually I am sleeping with my cat Mojo. He's a pain in the Collie butt, but he's a great sleeping companion, let me tell you. Sometimes, my brother Roni joins in too. The only time $nack sleeps with me is when she has plans to trick me, but that's a whole nuther story.

So here ya go Key Westers. Here's Perfect Me and my cat Mojo, copping some ZZzzzzzzzzzs.

Sometimes, I sleep and he cleans me up, which is very cool. He doesn't like me cleaning him up though because he says my spit is sticky and then turns stiff.

This is The Woman's favorite picture of me in bliss.

The Woman calls this a Pile-Up

Ok now, here's what I call a series. Me, trying to sleep and Mojo minding my business. Note the horrified look on my face. How humiliating.

....And here I am sleeping with my large frog friend.

I got an award!

2009-01-20T00:55:00.008-05:00

I didn't even do anything and I got an award from cousins Essex and Deacon over at Keywest Collies.

I mean I didn't do a thing. But that's not MY fault. It's The Woman. She is just too busy for me!

Tosca, she yammers, I am too busy to dog blog.

Tosca, she groans, Stop Whining, it is not becoming of a Collie to whine.

I'm telling you, if somebody doesn't get me out of this place, I am going to just run away. Right after winter's over, though. I mean it's rough out there. A Perfect Collie would ruin her fur and stuff. So yeah, that's it. Spring. She'll see. Boy is she gonna be sorry. I'm gonna jump the fence and go see the Old Man behind us. He always gives me chunks of ham and other good stuff that The Woman never gives me.

The stuff he gives me tastes better than those crappy biscuits she gives me anyways. And I don't even have to do fifty thousand tricks to get good stuff off the old man! Over here everying is NILIF. Nothing in life is freeeeeeee, Tosca. Blah Blah Blah. I have to practically paint a room just to get a biscuit. Over at the Old Man's place, he just says, "Tosca you're such a pretty girl! Here's ham!". Tell me THAT isn't a better deal!

Ok ok, I may not be able to take my cat Mojo with me. I mean he could come along, but I know Mojo. He gets to sleep on the bed, while I have to sleep on the floor. He gets the best food. When she cuts up chicken, Mojo gets it first in his own dish. I have to sit there like a beggar while she throws pieces at my mouth. I mean, let's face it, Mojo Rules around here anyhow. Why would he leave?

Ok so I digressed. I can do that. It's my blog. Anyways, here is the cool award I got

It's foreign! Foreign countries love Perfect Collies too, you know! It means:

"This blog invests and believes in PROXIMITY - nearness in space, time and
relationships!"
In other clearer words, "These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in prizes or self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers! Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award."

You would think a taco would come with this or something. Even a burrito would be good, but nope. I just get the award. But that's ok. Awards are good. It just that you can't eat them. Well, you COULD eat them but then you wouldn't be able to prove you got an award. Besides, I'm lucky anybody pays any attention to me at all anymore, much less gives me an award. So thanks, Cousin Doogs!

I'm 'sposed to give it to eight other doogs but nobody talks to me anymore because I'm never around and I swear I'm biting my foot right now. So if you want this award, just let me know that you still love me and I will give you the award AND a taco.

Happy New Year!

2008-12-31T16:08:00.005-05:00

Man, I'm gonna get me some of that egg nog stuff!

We all got some last year but Mojo threw it up. Then I ran right over and ate it so The Woman wouldn't have to do any cleaning. It was a little warm but still good, right? So I got double my share. I hope all three of my cats throw up their egg nog tonight.

The woman says I can post This Link To Times Square, Live Stream, so you can all watch fifty zillion nutballs hang out in the cold to watch some ball fall down at midnight. Man, I wish I was allowed to go there. I bet everbody is gonna drop tons of snacks out of their frozen hands.

Me and The Woman and My Cats Wish You A Merry Christmas!

2008-12-23T18:09:00.003-05:00

Merry Christmas to all my doog and cat and hamster and sheep and other species friends!

Tonsa Snow!!

2008-12-17T04:08:00.009-05:00

I love snow! Snow was invented just for Collies! I especially love playing with The Woman in the snow. I get to knock her on her butt. I just LOVE the Thump sound she makes!

I'm in the Christmas Eve Reindeer Replacement Tryouts! I'm practicing in the snow.

Reindeer are out, Collies are in!

When did you ever hear of a reindeer rescuing somebody?

Did a reindeer ever play Lassie?

Do reindeer fetch and do tricks and play with snot-nosed kids like I do? No!

Do reindeer have to listen to somebody whine, Tosca do this! Tosca do that! Tosca do this again!

Do reindeer get lollipops stuck on them at Pet Supplies Plus?? No!

Do reindeer have to put up with cats and hairballs and the Five Razors? Do reindeer have to take the blame for everything that goes wrong because the cats say they did it? No!

I earned this!

I swear if I don't win, I'm gonna start a fire in the fireplace and when fatty comes down our chimney with his sack of crap, that'll teach him! Then next year I can have HIS job!

It's that Elfin' time again for me and my cats!!!!

2008-12-11T10:20:00.001-05:00

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

I demand equal time!

2008-12-10T05:56:00.031-05:00

Hey, dogs, superior cats and other four legged friends, this is Mojo.

Above is a shot of me and my brother Roni, who were minding our own peaceful business taking a nice nap. Notice the dog to the left we are ignoring. She was not invited. Just so you know.

Listen, there are a couple of things you need to comprende. First of all, I am not Tosca's cat like she keeps calling me. She's my dog. I was here first. It's as simple as that. I let her stay. If I didn't let her stay, she would be in a Second Home instead of whining on a blog.

Furthermore, if you could only see how pathetic this big chooch is when I show her the Five Razors, you would understand exactly who is in charge here.

Ok that's settled. Now onto the real problem. Dogs stink in general, whereas cats smell Spring Fresh all the time. Everybody knows this, so don't bother denying it. Now, Tosca is a Collie, and it's fairly common knowledge among humans that Collies are stinkless dogs. Any human with a Collie will tell you this. No doggie smell. So they think.

The thing is, human noses are useless. To cats, Collies stink. This dog stinks! And she won't leave me the hell alone! She hangs out with me day and night, so I carry her stink with me everywhere I go. The other cats don't even want to know me after Tosca spits me up. She thinks she's "cleaning me". Yeesh, I practically need a full bath when she's done with me. My brother Roni just told me the other day, he said,

Mojo you stink of Tosca. Get out of here! Bleck!

How do you think this makes me feel?

The thing is, I can't get away from her. I mean, I can't even go to the litter box or have some private time alone without her whining and carrying on. It's pathetic I tell you. This dog the size of Rhode Island cries at the bottom of the stairs if I go up there and take a nap by myself. She doesn't dare come up there either. You know why? Because I Rule, that's why.

It's not only that she stinks.

But her spit gets stiff.

This is not so with cats, which is just one more of many superior things about us cats. Cat spit does not get stiff. When cat spit dries you are left with that signature "Spring Fresh" scent. Downy soft, really. Not so with this dog. I mean she licks my head and I look like Spike when she's done. I offer this photo as Exhibit A. Look at my head. That's Tosca spit, folks. How do you think I feel when she does this? Do I need to answer you? Just look at my expression. When she's done spitting me up like this, it takes me half a day just to get cleaned up. How fair is this?

Now on the other paw, when I lick Tosca, she has some semblence of "clean". I don't leave her all stiff and stinky. Not that I care to lick her but sometimes she begs. I am very tentative about this because of her Dog Taste, but I do it for Mom. That way, Mom doesn't have to clean her as often. Let's face it gang, one dog is more work than ten cats. They can't even use a litter box for Cat-god sakes. In fact, they are so gross and untrainable, they will actually eat cat poop. Come on, admit it, dogs, you all eat our crap at the first opportunity. You will eat garbage too. You are all disgusting.

So I want you all to under-

stand that when I clean up Tosca,

it has nothing

whatsoever to do with Love, It's strictly a favor for Mom and has absolutely nothing to do with Tosca-Love. Just so you know. I offer this photo as Exhibit B, so you can see that I do not enjoy this. You can see that right? Oh Look! My claws are out! So let me ask you dogs again: You do see that I am not really showing affection in this photo, but that I am performing a function, a distasteful task. You see that, right? Right?

In closing, I would like to let you all know that I and my fellow cat rulers here at our peaceful home resent the fact that a dog who can't even make up her mind whether her ears should be Up or Down has her own blog. Therefore, expect to hear from us more often.

I'm out of here for now. I have to go torture Tosca. She is trying to herd Roni. For some stupid reason, she thinks that because she is a herding dog, she can round us cats up. How stupid is that? Everybody knows you can't herd cats. You would think she would get it. But nope.

Catch you later. Me and $nack and Roni are gonna surround Tosca and make her run in circles.

I gotta get a picture of that.

I been tagged.

2008-12-03T10:31:00.020-05:00

I been tagged by Chris and her Perfect Rescue Collies. I am supposed to tell you six things you probably don't know about me. I just know somebody is going to use this all against me, and I have the urge to bite my foot. But I am a team player! And just to prove it, I'm going to do 7 instead of 6!

So here goes:

1. I always poop in the same area in the back. I cannot poop anyplace else. I refuse to poop anywhere except my spot. If I am out walking with The Woman or I am away from home, I will not poop unless it is a dire emergency.

2. I only like duckie squeek toys. I mean it has to be a duckie. If it's not a duckie, I am not interested. Do you hear me? Not only that, but the duckie has to SOUND right. So the Woman takes me to Pet Supplies Plus whenever I am due for another Duckie and she squeezes them all for me until I hear the one I want. I especially enjoy this because people walk by us and point and laugh at her. I lost my beloved Auxillary Duckie last year. It was a huge blow. I still haven't gotten over it. No duckie quite tastes like he did or quacks like he did. Here's his funeral picture.

3. When I sleep at night, I line up some of my duckies near me. I cannot sleep without at least two of my duckies. I especially enjoy making them all quack in unison at 3 AM.

4. I can belch in your face at any time. I mean I belch in people's faces all the time. It's just a thing I do. At first, the woman was embarrassed about this, but now it's just like a standard thing. I mean, I think she finally realized that it could be worse. I could be using the other end of my body. Sometimes I just belch for the heck of it. Like if The Woman is annoyed with me, I look at her and I belch. Sometimes when she is hugging me and telling me how much she loves me, I nuzzle her face reallllllly close and belch, just for spite.

5. I make a lot of noises. In perpetua. I moan for no reason. I groan. I honk. I honk a lot. I also clack in thin air too. I mean that's right, I just sit there and go clackclackclackclack. Like if she's getting me a paltry biscuit, I sit there and clack because I know I'm gonna get a biscuit. I guess that's a Collie thing or something. Whatever.

6. Given the opportunity, I will eat cat poop. I think cat poop is a delicacy myself and I don't know what all the human fuss is about it. Anyways, the Woman gags if she sees me do this. Then I try to kiss her and make up.

7.Sometimes, I eat some of the mail before She opens it. I once ate a dividend check. I ate a $20 bill once too and it wasn't salvageable.

Bonus!

8. My whole dang family is famous. They are either champions, rally doods and doodettes, breeding their hearts out, or otherwise achieving. Except me. I'm stuck here in this fershtunkin' house getting hairballs and herding cats. This is particularly irritating because I am the most Perfect One of the whole lot of them. Right?

Right?

Oh what the heck! I feel like purging. Here's more:

9. I hate squirrels and one day I will kill one of the little bastages if I could just catch one of the damned things. They torture me and hang from the trees and the garage and one of these days I am going to get one and then I'm gonna....oh sorry. I was festering. I'm biting my foot just thinking about it.

10. I am vain and shallow and expect to look perfectly groomed at all times.
11. I secretly want to bite people who say stupid things when I am walking at the pet shop like, "She's kind of big for a Sheltie isn't she?" Or, "Is she a Border Collie?". Or "Look Johnny, it's Lassie!".

12. I ate two pillows out of three off a dyed all the way through leather couch. This was the closest I have ever come to being snuffed out by The Woman. I didn't eat anymore stuff after that. But why bother? This was an expensive couch so my job was done, right?

13. My bark can revive dead people. The Woman says you haven't had your ears shattered till you have heard a Collie Bark.

14. I am very sensitive. I mean, I get my feelings hurt real easily. Then I get that Woe Is Me Collie look and The Woman feels sorry for me and gives me a chunk of dog food roll. Sucker.

15. I hate the Fedex Guy. I LOVE the UPS guy but that Fedex guy is just creepy to me. He's so scared of me now he leaves the packages as far away from the door as possible.

16. I love herding kids. Last summer I herded a bunch of them at a BBQ and made everybody laugh. I mean, if you are going on a big family picnic you want me there to watch your kids. Nobody is ever gonna have to stop scarfing down potato salad and ask "Where's Johnny??!!!!" because Johnny is going to be in the pile of kids I herded and am guarding in their spot for the rest of the day.

17. The guy who lives behind the back of our property feeds me cool stuff like ham when The Woman isn't looking. I love that old guy, let me tell you. When he says my name from behind those trees and that fence, I just lose control. I once jumped the fence to be with him.

18. I hate peeing on surfaces that splash. Give me grass all the way, baby.

19. In spite of myself, I am really very well obedience trained and I probably should have some letters after my name right now, but the Woman is slacking off. Basically, I will do anything for a piece of Tobin's First Prize hot dog. I mean, I would paint the utility room for a chunk of that stuff.

Ok, now my secrets are public. I'm not even smart enough to be humiliated.

What. A. Ripoff!

2008-11-29T13:36:00.014-05:00

Yeah well, like I said, The Woman boiled down the turkey carcass. So I'm figuring I'm Golden for a coupla days what with about a pound of meat that fell off that baby, right? Plus all that good turkey broth! I love turkey broth!

Ok so I am going to show you something here. She went thru all that turkey to make sure there were no little bones anywhere. It took her like fifty zillion years while I was hopping on one foot here and Mojo was howling.

So next thing you know she's doing some other stuff and comes up with this great soup! It had carrot and rice and spinach and fresh parsley for my breath and nice strong broth, all the stuff I like.

Did I get any? No! She ate it! I mean she ate it right in front of me and Dog-God and everybody!

I was like, What the Fershtunk is going on here!

Next thing I know I'm looking at this bowl of shredded turkey scraps. But hey! It smelled good. So I forgot about the soup.

So she puts the bowl down on the table and I figure well, that's mine right? So she says,

"Tosca don't touch that! It's for you AND Mojo and Roni and $nack and Benny and the Jets. Leave it!"

I'm thinking like, Are Youuuuuuu Kidding? I waited fifty thousand years for this stuff!

Now, I remember Leave It very well. I am Leave It trained, among other revolting things I am forced to do. I remember advanced class when the instructor left a raw hot dog in the middle of the floor and I and other stupid doogs just like me had to walk by it, sit near it, everything but eat it. I passed that test with flying colors only to see a setter snatch it up and eat it right in front of me. Boy, was I P O'd! But still, I listen. I listen because who wants to hear The Woman carry on if I don't?

So I stand there on my hinds staring longingly and drooling at these turkey scraps. And I'm sizing it up. I'm thinking, me, Mojo, Roni, $nack, Benny and the Jets.....

Suddenly, all those chunks didn't seem like a lot anymore. Then I heard The Grey Ghost heading for the kitchen and I just KNEW Mojo was going to hop up on the table and take what he wants right in front of Poor Perfect Me who is in Leave It Mode.

No Leave It for Mojo. He doesn't have to do any of those tricks. He says it's because he's a cat and cats are superior. So now he's got me festering and getting ready to bite my foot again.

So I'm mentally calculating how this stuff is going to be divided up and I said, To Hell With That Leave It Crap. I'll take my punishment later. This stuff is mine!

Burrrrrrrp!

Geeze, when's that thing gonna be done?

2008-11-28T12:18:00.011-05:00

Ok you doogs will appreciate this. Maybe your humans will be grossed out, but you doogs and lots of you kits will definitely appreciate this. So make your humans leave the room.

This is my own personal turkey carcass. I turned it upside down so all you doogs and kits can see the good parts. You know, the butt and stuff like that. I mean this thing is practically fresh! It's still got the tied up spices inside it. The wings are still there!

Anyways, this is my own personal carcass, although I will be forced to share it with my cats. Mojo prefers to point out that THEY are sharing it with ME, since they were here at the nuthouse first. Except for little $nack. But I ain't messing with her let me tell you.

Anyways, the woman threw the carcass in a big pot and is boiling all of the meat off of it. Now I know from last year that this means A LOT of meat. Although I was a little miffed when I saw her take some meat off of it and give it to the rescue cats, Benny and the Jets. But that's another story.

Anyways, it's been in the pot of water for like forever! I mean how long does it take for meat to fall off a carcass? I could rip that stuff off the carcass myself in like minutes! Just lemmie at it! But no! I have to sit here smelling it and putting up with the simmering for like forever. I mean I'm practically having another birthday here waiting for my soup and turkey meat. Geeze!

I was like standing there hopping around, changing feet. I figured I'd get me some turkey pretty fast. I finally gave up and took the couch. Mojo has taken up permanent residence right in front of the stove. We want our stuff!

Like what the Fershtunk is the matter with The Woman? Just throw the thing down woman! Me and the cats will take care of that little bugger! Pick it clean! But nope!

"Tosca, you cannot have cooked bones," she blurted.

"Tosca, good turkey things come to those who wait," she blathered.

I mean me and Mojo are like losing our MINDs here waiting and waiting. We keep telling her It's Done. But nope!

Tosca, the meat has to fall off the bones, she whined.

Tosca, then I have to make sure there are no little bones, she droned.

And besides, you can't have it all at once, Tosca, she snorted.

I'm like laying here rolling my eyes here!

I'll let you know how it all works out.

My Brother Dallas is a Father! Puppies!

2008-11-25T15:39:00.008-05:00

This is my brother Dallas.

He's already a Champion, whereas I, on the other paw, haven't even ever been shown. In fact, the closest I will ever get to a show is as a drive-by. The Woman has wasted my talents. She has squandered Perfect Me's Perfect Perfectness!

Anyways, Dallas is a father now and here are his Perfect Collie puppies. Now, mind you, you will note that they aren't as perfect as Perfect Me, but pretty close. Right? Right????

These puppies are mostly all taken, just like Perfect Me was taken really fast. Puppy Number 4 might still be available. If one of your humans is interested, let The Woman know.

Cool Award and Puppy Cam!

2008-11-22T12:28:00.014-05:00

Hi there! Bet you doods and doodesses figure I took a hike or something, what with the woman forcing me to be so remiss and everything.

I tell you gang, somebody has to get me out of this nuthouse! If the food weren't so good, I swear I would hit the road the minute she opened the door! But being a Perfect Collie and all, I wouldn't want to get my Perfect Fur all messed up out there in the wild. Besides, we got skunks that stop by and if I get skunked, I'm telling you here and now The Woman will NEVER take me back. Not even for a visit. She told me point blank, she said,

"Tosca if you don't stop going after those skunks and you get skunked it's over for us!".

No kidding!!!111!. She said that!

So you can see where this is going. I mean, I've been gone so long, I'm not even sure you doogs and cats and sheep and hamsters are even bothering to check on me anymore. I am truly alone. This is not right for a Perfect Collie such as my own self.

But so anyways, my cousins Deacon and Essex over at Keywest Collies gave me this cool award about fifty thousand zillion years ago and I just saw it now. It's a good thing they are my relatives or they might never bark to me again. You know how it goes. You can pick your friends but you can't pick your relatives! Anyways, here's my cool Friendly Blogger Award. I got it cause I helped Essex and Deacon start a blog and gave them technical help. And like the Collies that they are, they learned fast. Now they blog and I don't! How fair is this!!!!?

And ok, listen, The Woman says I can post the Puppy Cam, which she says is a lot more interesting than watching TV. I myself am not that impressed because, if it were a REAL puppy cam, it would feature Perfect Collies like my own Perfect Self, right? Ok well, they are still cute anyhow, just not as cute as me, right?

Right!?

(Puppy cam removed. These dogs were beasts and i feel sorry
for anybody who took one)

Happy Halloweeenie

2008-10-30T23:05:00.004-04:00

Here's Candy!

Think anybody will recognize me?

2008-10-27T11:39:00.002-04:00

I mean on Halloween. Here's me and Mojo in our costumes.

Two Comatosed Kitties and One Collie Asking For Eye Removal

2008-10-15T13:14:00.004-04:00

Well the woman is going to embarrass me again and make you doogs all think that I like my cats and stuff. I am telling you, there is no end to the embarrassment I am forced to incur in this nuthouse. I was simply sniffing some cat food that Mojo had on his paw. This was not me checking Moji and Roni to see if they were ok or any other stuff like that. Get that idea right out of your heads. This picture is rigged. As a matter of fact, I wasn't even really there! Yeah that's it! I wasn't there and the whole fershtunkin thing is photoshopped.

Be Afraid of the Halloweenie Collie!

2008-10-15T12:57:00.003-04:00

My Life Is In Danger Let Me Tell You!

2008-06-28T08:10:00.003-04:00

I have asked you doogs and kits to get me out of here over and over again. First the Woman keeps Perfect Me from writing. And now this! I am telling you, I can't stay here! I mean look at this! NOW do you believe me????

It's The Woman's Fault!!!

2008-06-25T09:45:00.003-04:00

I know! I know! I haven't blogged in a long time! It's not my fault! It's The Woman's fault! She's busy and says, "Tosca I can't let you blog right now. I'm busy. I have to earn money for all your extravagant needs Get over it!".

I cannot believe this treatment. Here I am a Perfect Collie and the Woman does this to me. I have fans! I don't blame them for being my fans either, because I'm Perfect, right? So what does she do? She keeps Perfect Me from communicating about my Perfect Self! Somebody come and get me out of this nuthouse will you?

I'm packed, I swear! Just come and get me! I don't require much. Two premium meals a day. Some raw meaty bones. Grooming and primping. My own room and entrance. Big TV tuned to Animal Planet. Manicures. A coupla cats to keep me occupied. A few dozen toy duckies that make quack noises. Home made biscuits. Just regular stuff, right?

I mean, this is baloney! Just look at Poor Perfect Me!

My Cool Birthday Cards!

2008-04-05T17:49:00.000-04:00

Oh My Dawg! I forgot to show you some really cool Birthday cards from my Dogs With Blogs buddies. The Woman has been so busy I've been biting my foot here! So I want you to know that I haven't abandoned you dogs, cats, hamsters, sheep and other assorted friends. I just don't get to use the computer much lately because she says,

Tosca, sometimes I just have to do other stuff even though it's not as important as your blog.

Tosca, sometimes I have to earn money so I can buy you more duckies and pay for your premium dog food.

Stop whining Tosca.

Yeah. Whatever. So anyways, I gotta tell you that I won't be posting as much for awhile and I hope you all still love Perfect Me. It's not my fault!

Anyways, here's my cool stuff.

First, my shirttail cousins Deacon and Essex over at Keywest Collies send me this one card through US Postal Dog Mail with their cool pictures right on it!

And....and....and will you get a load of THIS? My beloved friend Asta sent Perfect Me this cool Pee Mail card. Will you look at how cool this is???

And THEN....that totally cool Dude Balboa sent me a Frenchie Pee Mail Card with his Frenchie face right on it!!!!

And...and....and my beloved Benjamin posted special things to me on his blog. See?

Things Are Better, Thank Dog

2008-03-31T00:28:00.005-04:00

Well ok, my brother Roni is doing good and he has only had one spell since last Sunday. They call what happens to him "syncope. Look it up. Roni's being really good about his heart pill and his aspirin too. He takes the heart pill to make sure his heart flows right and the aspirin to thin his blood so he doesn't do a clot thing, which would be really really bad. Anyways, he just opens his mouth for The Woman and she pops the pills in. That's supposed to be unusual for a cat. I remember my late brother Vinny could shoot a pill twenty feet after it landed down his throat, and he wouldn't loose a teaspoon of his supper either. That cat was a pill cannon, let me tell you. I guess cats are not like us dogs who will eat a dish rag if you toss it in our mouths. I mean The Woman says, Tosca, eat this and I do! I'm a dog!

But so anyways, Roni acts like his regular self and stuff and he has another vet appointment on April 17, which would make it 4 weeks. Our vet says the first month is crucial, so if he does well the next few weeks like he's doing now, then things could be stable for a long time. So in the meantime, me and Mojo are keeping a close eye on him and we know where he is in the house at all times. When he collapsed last time, I stood over him and Mojo washed his head.

So we have it all together and know our jobs. Except The Woman. I tell you she is a paranudical. I mean she worries and frets and stuff. So today, I hauled her out into the sunshine and took her for a nice long walk. That helped a lot. It especially worked for me. I finally got some attention. The Woman cooed and told me what a good doggie I am, which of course is the truth.

You're such a good dog, Tosca.

You are so helpful Tosca.

Tosca stop barking at that squirrel, you voice could break glass.

Tosca don't eat that candy wrapper.

Yup, things are back to normal, more or less. I even got to stop at my favorite neighbor's house and got some pizza and a good fawning over, which as you know, is what keeps me going in life. I mean you fawn over me, I'm yours!

I want to thank my special kitty blogger friend Daisy for showing a special interest in my brother Roni and giving The Woman some good information. I love you Daisy. If you ever need somebody to protect you, just meow. I can be an awesome force when I have to protect somebody, let me tell you. So all you doogs, don't ever mess with my girl Daisy because you are gonna get hurt. Ok? Just in case you think I'm kidding, I thought I would remind you that, in spite of my Perfectness, you don't want to be on my bad side.

I Am A Remiss Doggie

2008-03-25T23:12:00.005-04:00

I am sorry we haven't posted in over a week. It's just that my brother Roni has been really sick and The Woman was fretting and me and Mojo and $nack were taking turns watching over him.

He started to have sudden fainting spells or something. He would just drop down and be like unable to move. His eyes would be open, but it was kinda like the lights were on but nobody was home for about three minutes. Then he would get right up and act like nothing happened.

The Woman rushed him to the Vet's office last Saturday and as it turns out, my brother Roni has a grade 4 heart murmur. So we all had to watch him really close till we could get the pills on monday and he is on small doses of aspirin to thin his blood so he doesn't get what they call a saddle clot in his rear.

The Woman cancelled Easter plans so she could stay home and watch him with us so he didn't hurt himself. We had a whole system going, too and I did my part. Whenever Roni went down, me and Mojo would stand over him and watch him and $nack would hiss and run. I guess that was her job. Then I would come get The Woman if she didn't see it happening herself. Then me and Mojo would stand there and she would stroke Roni till he got up. Then Roni would eat everybody's food.

Anyways, he started his heart pills yesterday and he is doing much better. In fact, he not only is not dropping out anymore, but he is acting like his old self. So The Woman is pretty sure it's heart valve problems. We are getting better over not fretting over him now that he is stable, but it takes some time to stop worrying if you know what I mean. Roni is only six years old, so that's a bummer.

Now The Woman said that if he's stable he could live for years, but it's always uncertain because he could go to the bridge in his sleep. This is very hard on The Woman because when she loses one of us it really makes her sad, but I think we are all adapting, so long as Roni is stable now. We get Roni's blood work back later this week and then we might know more things that we can work on. But for now, he is happy and totally taking advantage of all the attention. I myownself am comparatively ignored, but I don't mind because I know we have to focus on Roni right now.

Anyways, that's the story so you will excuse me if I am not posting too much lately because I have a job to do and I gotta help The Woman sleep at night because she worries and isn't getting good rest. So it's my job to make her relax and to check on her and stuff.

This is my brother Roni.

I'm Two Years Old!

2008-03-19T00:01:00.001-04:00

It's My Birthday!

It's My Birthday!!! It's My Birthday!

The Woman says, Oh Tosca, it's your birthday and you have been my Perfect Collie for TWO years! Where has the time gone! Why it seems like just yessssssterdayyyyyyyy when you were just a widdle baby!!

Well it might seem like Just Yesterday to HER, but believe ME, I remember every day of it. I mean I'm a dog. We dogs don't forget right?

I mean I remember the day The Woman picked me up. In fact, Aunt Kay, my breeder snapped a picture of me and her. It was raining buckets and I was like, Hey! Dry me off! This is no way to treat a Perfect Collie!

Then I came here to the nuthouse and grew pretty fast.

I mean it wasn't a bad deal. Good food. Cats to chase. Fresh air. Sunshine.

A couch to eat.

Messes to make. Stuff like that.

So the woman took me to Obedience classes so I would stop eating the house up.

And then......

.......I did have that one phase where my head was too big for my body but she kept me anyway.

Then my nose started to grow and stuff.
And my body kind of grew into my head.

And the next thing you know I was Perfect Me on my first birthday.

And now I am Perfect Me on my Second Birthday with a hairball!

It's My Birthday! Where's my present!!!!!??????

Perfect Tosca

2008-03-14T13:57:00.002-04:00

Tosca - we thought you might like your extra kitty back... we're having a hard enough time with Floyd...
Wuf Ya - Gomer

adopt your own virtual pet!

Perfect Lamb Babies For Me, The Honorary Sheepdog!

2008-03-11T04:30:00.001-04:00

Honorary Sheep Dog report!!!!

I am biting my foot here!!!

As I mentioned, I am an official Honorary Sheepdog over at my honorary sheepdog farm.

I always wanted a job herding and I had just about given up hope when I got offered this job and I just can't tell you how excited I am. Because Guess What??? There are babies! I'm biting my foot here! I LOVE babies. I am very gentle with baby dogs and baby cats and baby babies! Now I have baby lambs!!! I'm gonna be the best Honorary Sheepdog that ever lived! I am gonna take care of my honorary sheep like you can't even imagine!

Are these babies cute or what??? I lifted these pics from my honorary sheep website so I hope I don't get yelled at. I would hate to lose my job over at Fairlight Farm.

These two babies are my sheep Hope's babies. Are they cute or what??? Baaaaaaaaaaaaa!

...And these baby Ba Bah's belong to my sheep Blackberry Winter. Word has it they are twins!!!

I'm An Honorary Sheepdog!

2008-03-04T15:30:00.005-05:00

Oh Dog! I'm biting my foot here!

I was just practicing counting sheep!

You are not going to believe it! There's this cool blogger over at Musings From Fairlight Farm who says she likes my Perfect Blog so I got to barking with her about how my life basically sucks because I have no sheep to herd even though I am a herding dog and that's what I am supposed to do. I was doing my regular whining about The Woman and how she won't even get me one lousy sheep, and next thing you know, the nice lady over at Fairlight Farm told me I could be an honorary sheepdog at her farm!

I mean is this cool or what? I mean how many of you are honorary sheepdogs? I mean I didn't dream this up! I won this honor fair and square I swear!

What happened was I told her that even though I am a herding dog, I never get to herd squat except cats and stupid squirrels and piles of leaves in the fall. I asked her if I could like maybe have a coupla sheep so that I could keep them here and herd them and stuff, but then The Woman intervened again. I mean I coulda had sheep folks! I'm a HERDING dog! Can somebody please explain this to her? I mean have you ever tried to herd cats? Do you have any idea what it is like to try to herd cats and have them ambush you and show you the Five Razors? It's just not possible. I mean I never get to herd things. Well there was that time at the BBQ when I herded everybody's kids and kept them in their circle. Everybody laughed but they liked it. I mean, they could scarf down chicken and potato salad and crap like that and not worry where there kids were! But beyond that, I am a herdless herding dog. How fair is that? I mean if the Woman wanted a dog that didn't herd things, why the fershtunk did she get a herding dog? I tell you, I can't get ahead in this place.

Well but so anyways, I didn't get any of the cool sheep, but like I said, the nice lady over at Fairlight Farm told me that I could be an Honorary Sheepdog. Stop by and see her and tell her how lucky she is to have me as an honorary sheepdog. I could use the references.

Well I got so excited about this special honor that I had a special badge made just for Perfect Me. Whatchu think!!!??? Do I look like a Perfect Sheepdog or what?

Update on WOD

2008-02-28T10:34:00.013-05:00

Now I wasn't gonna do anymore posts about WOD, he is a frog after all and this is a dog blog and let's face it, frogs are inferior to dogs in many ways. Even big frogs. For one thing, they can't fetch. They are unable to chase or herd. They can't bark and warn if Jack The Ripper or a pile of stray leaves is rustling outside the door. They couldn't care less about the mailman. They don't sit, go down or come on command. They can't compete at Westminster either, not that I can. I mean, The Woman screwd up my ears, thus ensuring that the closest I will ever get to Westminster is as a drive by. Oh wait....I'm festering.....give me a minute........

Okay I'm all right now. I just get a bit flustered because of the Westminster thing.

Anyways, my good friend Huskee Boy seemed a bit worried in the comments in the last post that I might have killed WOD when I threw my perfect albeit large body upon him. Nothing could be further from the truth. WOD is alive and well.

Well, no, wait...

He's alive but he wasn't well yesterday exactly. WOD got into the wine rack and paid the price. But I post these photos as proof that he is indeed alive, even if he is bit hungover. I mean what's a frog care if he's embarrassed on the internet? The Woman embarrasses me on the internet every single day of my life. I mean how fair is that? So I think I am entitled to embarrass a big drunken frog just once, right? I mean, it's not like it gives me pleasure, right? Well ok yeah it gives me pleasure. Whatever.

So, sweet Huskee Boy, this one's for you:

Here is WOD with ice packs.

Here is $nack offering to remove his liver to help relieve his pain.

It got worse before it got better as you can see.

..........MUCH worse.....

So as you doogs and kits can all see, WOD is alive but not feeling his best. But not because I laid on him, let me tell you.

How Big IS WOD Really???

2008-02-25T19:39:00.007-05:00

Well you know, the post below this one has everybody kind of worrying about my Guest Frog WOD's size. So I thought I should put him in perspective here and show you just how big WOD really is. So here's some shots of me and WOD getting it on together, like only Dog and Stuffed Frog could.

As you can see, WOD is a pretty big fellow, but I have the situation under control. I mean, let's face it, if a Collie sits on a belly-up WOD, there's no contest, right?

You will also notice that I have Back Up, just in case WOD gets a little too big for his frog britches. Over at the right, you see Roni on WOD watch. Well not exactly. I think he was telling us to get a room or something, but that's neither here nor there.

So anyways, as you can see, WOD is pretty impressive. But don't worry. We have it under control. Between the backup of my cats and those heavy Italian meals, WOD is pretty slow these days.

My Visiting Frog, WOD

2008-02-21T13:49:00.010-05:00

I just wanted to give a Perfect Kiss to my lovable boy Marvin today. Just because.

I been a little busy with a house guest who came to visit me. My friends over at World of Dogs AKA WOD for short, the dog message board the woman and her friends use, been taking turns opening up their homes to our mascot, WOD. WOD is a really big frog and he arrived here this week, fresh from a stint in Las Vegas. Except for the withdrawal symptoms from gambling too much, he was really glad to meet me and my cats.

He adapted really quickly to the horrendous Upstate NY weather and him and me are really having a good time. I never dated a frog, but if I were to date a frog it would definitely be WOD. WOD will have visited some pretty cool places when he is done with his travels and returns home. After his stay with us, he's going to Florida to warm up again. But from what I hear, frogs just kind of go into hibernation in the cold. So far, he's still awake here.

The Woman has been cooking regularly for WOD and he makes requests. He likes Italian stuff and the Woman is Italian so she is happy to help out. So far he hasn't gotten too much sauce on him. Here he is enjoying some eggplant parmesan with garlic twists and a nice glass of wine. As you can see, WOD is very happy here with us and he plans to get as much dago food under his belt as possible before he leaves. I think we might need a bigger box if he keeps up all this eating. Anyways, I think every doog should have a frog visit his or her home. It's really a ribbiting experience.

Here are some shots of me and my cats meeting WOD when he arrived in his Frog Box, just to prove we have a visiting frog. I made sure I got everybody in to be fair and impartial.

This is me and The Grey Ghost Mojo meeting WOD.

Here's Roni meeting WOD. And here's $nack meeting WOD and telling him she could rip his eye out right now and there wouldn't be a thing he could do about it.

Woot! I Funkify!!!!!!

2008-02-17T20:48:00.011-05:00

I feel so funky! I got me a Funky Blog! I know this because my friend Charlie went and told me so.

Furthermore I got an award! I mean Charlie gave me a genuine award. I didn't even have to give it to myself like I usually have to do. I mean, I got this award absolutely legitimately folks. I got me the FUNKY BLOG award!

See?

I mean I didn't cheat or anything to get this award. I didn't beg or whine or anything. I definitely got this award on my own merit. I mean, there is a real meaning to this award. According to Charlie, I "funkify" his very own blogging experience! I had no idea! I mean I had Noooooooo idea that I funkify other doog's blogging experience. I am so proud!

Thanks Charlie. You are as cool as me, just shorter, right? I love your cute face and that's that.

I'm thinking I'm gonna pass this Funkification Award onto Gomer and Opy and Hudson, because they were the first blogging dudes I ever met on the internets. The first doogs to ever confirm my Perfectness. Seems fair, right?

The Abominable Snow Dog

2008-02-13T19:53:00.007-05:00

Yeah well it was snowing like Siberia here, let me tell you. A real blizzard, I couldn't see an inch in front of my needlenose, no kidding. So anyways, I went out back at 7 AM to do my business which immediately became a poopsickle, if you know what I mean. And then I ran back inside and the Woman dried me off, which is pretty easy because of my double coat. I mean it was brutal out there. So I ate the chunks of snow between my toes, had my breakfast, and then I hung around all morning and goofed around with my cats and stuff.

I was kind of snoozing with one of my duckies when The Woman touched me and said Tosca! Let's go for a walk! I opened one eye and could hardly believe she said that. Then I sprang up cause she scared the bejesusdog out of me the way she was dressed. I mean let's face it gang, nothing is more embarrassing than your middle-aged human dressed like somebody who lives in a box under the tracks, all bundled up. Yeesh. It was downright tasteless let me tell you. She had this parka on that made her look like a balloon. And these boots that belong on a barge or something. And those gloves made of that special material that makes your hands warm enough to fry eggs or something. And I won't even get into the hat. Or the hood. You get the picture. It was the kind of getup that makes a dog say, Oh Dog, I hope we aren't going out in public!

She dangled my leash and of course, being a dog, I cannot resist a walk. Normally that is. I mean I knew it was Siberia out there. But I went anyways. No sense of trying to talk sense into a Woman dressed like a bag lady, right?

I caught a side shot of Mojo snickering as she opened the front door and the wind whistled. I made a mental note to try to find him another home soon as I got back.

She shot snowballs at me and gigled.

She pushed wads of snow in my face and giggled.

Se kicked up snow all over my Perfect Body and giggled.

She body checked me and giggled.

Then I knocked her on her butt in a snow bank and she didn't giggle--but she DID make a thud sound. I love that sound, don't you?

But so anyways, she took the camera bag off the step and I knew I was about to be embarrassed again. So she started snapping pictures of me weathering the wind. "Sit Tosca!" she said. Well yah ok, so I sat my perfect butt and it practically froze to the ground but did it phase her? No! But so anyways, here I am on my way to becoming the Abominable Snowdog.

Why Everybody Should Have A Perfect Collie

2008-02-07T10:03:00.000-05:00

OK well the other day The Woman was talking to somebody who wanted to get a dog. So The Woman opened up her big pie hole and said, "You should get a Rough Collie". So this stimulated the otherwise lazy Woman to think of reasons why everybody should have a Collie.

1. When they shed, it's not sneaky. You can identify the wad of fur or the tumbleweed dancing by and snatch it up immediately. You can also knit sweaters with the fur. If you can't knit, you can always get a Perfect Smooth Collie.

2. If a thug tries to break into your house, your Collie's bark will shatter both his ear drums, thus not allowing him to hear you calling the police right in front of him and his permanently deaf ears. Of course, you will experience the same noise ratio if a bunch of leaves rustle outside your door, but small price to pay, right?

3. They are fun at large backyard BBQs when they herd all the snot-nosed little kids into one big pile and keep them there so the adults can have some peace.

4. No dog on earth can moan, groan, honk and make chewbacca noises like a collie.

5. With a Collie you will always have an accurate inventory of the squirrels on your land.

6. The ego trip you get when people see you walking your dog and they all say Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww while your Collie throws her ears down and gives them that cute Collie expression. Of course, you need a strong ego because once you get a Perfect Collie, nobody will look at you anymore instead of your dog.

7. Collies are self cleaning. No kidding. Dirt brushes right off of your collie and collies wash their own paws.

8. No doggie odor. That's right. Collies do not stink. Well, that doesn't include the result you might get if your Collie decides to herd a skunk.

9. They are very smart. With a little training work, your collie can load the dishwasher, start supper, write the monthly bill checks, and repair minor plumbing issues.

10. They help you sort out where the stupid people are. Stupid people will say "She's big for a Shetland Sheepdog" and "Is that a Border Collie?"

11, Collies have blog writing prowess as you can witness here.

12. The pleasure of hearing little kids squeal, "Look Mommy! It's Lassie!". You can always pull the lollipops stuck to your Collie's fur off later, right?

13. Collies have a great smile.

14. Collies are good with other animals.

Now that I have you all convinced, somebody PLEASE come get me the heck out of this Nuthouse before I croak from a hairball. Thanks.

My Boyfriend Riot is An Official Stud Dude!

2008-02-02T10:57:00.000-05:00

Ooooo Rahhhhhhh!

He's so cool!

This is my um.....Good Friend Riot. Wink...wink... Riot's Mom and The Woman are friends so Riot and I get to be GOOD friends.

And now he is being offered to carefully selected special girl dogs to be a daddy of more cool dogs like him! I know I talked about this boy before, but I tell you he's to die for! His real name is CH Ravenmasque Summer Riot CGN TT RN-CL but he'll always be Riot to me. But he's Perfect. He's a Perfect Belgian Tervuren, he's even been been genetically tested for hips and elbows with the OFA - his eye CERF is coming as well as his Thyroid testing for OFA, whatever all those letters mean. I mean I admittedly get a little defensive when I see all those letters I don't have although I know for a fact I was CERF tested too because Collies can sometimes be born with a chance of eye problems so you have to make sure they are what you call Normal Eyed.

But so anyways, is he cool or what? I'm so proud of him! He's even got his own personal Studliness page!

Now I want you all to know that Riot and I talked about this at length and this is all done with my permission. I mean I am going to help pick out the girls and everything because with Riot, I come first. It's just that we can't be making CollieTervs or TervCollies and all. I mean, I can't even help out if we wanted to because The Woman dragged me to the vet one morning and they took away all those parts. I would hold it against her if the food weren't so darned good here in the Nuthouse.

Anyways, I just wanted you to know that I am not being abandoned by my Riot just because he's an Oooo Rahhh stud. He only has eyes for me. In fact he sent me this very photo of him staring lovingly at Perfect Me.

I wish all my DWBs Good Friends would do this too so that I can be reminded that I am loved on those days when I look at The Woman and these cats and think, "Why me?".

Tosca's Mailbag - Ask Tosca UPDATED

2008-01-26T10:48:00.000-05:00

Well it's that time again where I answer my Perfect mailbag questions and give advice to fellow dogs and other species. It's always time to do this when I have nothing else to post.

This first letter was sent to me by our beloved DWB's Stanley of Gooberstan fame during my last Ask Tosca campaign. . Sorry it took me so long to answer, Stan. I didn't forget you. It's just that a Perfect Collie's work is never done. Stanley was addressing the fact that I have One Ear Up and One Ear Down.

Dear Tosca,

Are your ears supposed to be up or down?

Love, Stan

Dear Lovable Stanley,

My ears are supposed to be any way I want them because Im perfect.

Love and Slobbers,Tosca

Dear Tosca,

Are all Collies perfect?

Love, Bradley.

Dear Bradley,

Well yes of course all Collies are perfect. It's just that some Collies are more perfect than others. For example, me.

Love, Tosca

Dear Perfect Tosca,

Dog, I wish I were you. I have such low confidence.

Male Bichon, Pookie

Dear Pookie,

I can't say that I blame you for wanting to be Perfect Me. But really, Pookie, with a name like Pookie, how can you possibly garner any respect? Especially since you are a boy. Pookie, let's explore this further. I bet the other boy dogs beat you up at the dog playground. You need a boy's name, little guy. Like Rocky. Or Moose. Boomer. Either that or you need to have that special gender surgery, which carries with it a whole different set of identity problems. Face it, Pookie. Your human wanted a girl.

Love, Tosca

Dear Perfect Tosca,

You seem so confident. Is there anything you are afraid of?

Barney

Dear Barney,

Yes I am terribly afraid of being caught ungroomed when I run a quick errand.

Love, Tosca

Dear Tosca,

What's it really like to live with your family. Is your Woman really a Nutball like you say? Are you really friends with those cats?

Love, Darryl

Dear Darryl,

What are you writing my biography or something? Yes the Woman is a complete Whackjob. I sometimes get the feeling that she got me as part of some kind of therapy program or something. The only reason I stay here is the food is really good and I get to do pretty much whatever I want. And you'd be friends with cats too if you were as outnumbered as I am.

Love, Tosca

Dear Tosca,

I know you have a good working relationship with cats, but I just can't get the hang of it. I mean, I think I should be dominant in this house. I am a big dog and they are just little cats. What is your advice?

Zeus

Dear Zeus,

Listen to me very carefully, Zeus. Your well being could depend on it. Give it up right now while you still have eyeballs.

Love, Tosca

Dear Tosca,

I am a very handsome Lab and a Champion. I am really quite gorgeous. I find you very attractive. Would you like to have at it?

Love, Cornelius

Dear Corney,

Fax me copies of your bank statements and then we will talk.

Love Tosca

Well that's it for today. Feel free to contact me and ask for my Perfect advice at the following address. I promise to answer your letters if I feel like it.

***UPDATE** I have a question from the insanely cute Amber Mae

Hi Tosca!

I got one question for you & I think it's a very important question that we all would like to know...What makes you a Perfect Collie & why do you think you're one of the most perfectest Collie in the whole universe?

Love licks,Solid Gold Dancer

Dear Amber Mae,

The answer is so obvious: I am a perfect Collie and the most perfectist Collie in the whole universe Because I am.

Love, Perfect Tosca

I Think The Squirrels are Organizing!

2008-01-23T13:05:00.000-05:00

I can't take these fershtunkin' squirrels anymore. They are here. They are there. Then they are here again! I have tried to climb trees to get to them, but I can't do it! I should let Mojo out there, I swear!

They hang off the garage and workshop roofs and they thumb their noses at me! How fair is that? I am gonna be two years old this year and I STILL haven't caught ONE squirrel! I feel inadequate. It's maddening, let me tell you. There are nut shells everywhere. I hate nuts! The Woman says some crackpot in the neighborhood who doesn't have all the trees we have is probably feeding these creeps.

I dunno I dunno. I swear that every squirrel in Upstate NY lives right here on my own personal land, guys! I need help here. Advice. Maybe a DWBs Squirrel Squad. I went out this morning and look what I found. They are organizing!

I can feel it!

Oh My Dog! I'm an Official Honorary Cat!

2008-01-18T09:46:00.000-05:00

Will you doogs and Girl Girl look at this?

I'm barkless!

I mean I'm biting my foot here!

My NOMSSF (Not Of My Species Special Friend), the lovely Daisy, (ain't she cute?) has bestowed upon me the Badge of the Honorary Cat! I bet I'm the first DWB dog to be an honorary cat!Now, Daisy is a genuine Devon Rex Cat, so show some respect doogs. The Woman says those Rex cats cost like fifty zillion dollars. You DWBs get clawed by a Devon Rex and you've been clawed in style, let me tell you!

Now back to my award. This is the Award de Tutti awards! I mean I deserve it right? I live with three official cats and that number can move up any time of day or night! I live with my cats. They stick their faces in my dish! Mojo takes bites off my raw meaty bones! I have hairballs! Now don't get me wrong or anything, doogs, I am ALL DOG, but let's face it, I live the life of cats. And if you don't think I'm all dog, just remember, I am not small. I can beat other dogs up if I want to so watch your step. So you understand I'm all dog, right? Right?

My cats are family. I sleep with them. I clean their litter box while the Woman gags, if you get my drift. I lick their heads. They lick my head.Ok, so my spit is stickier and dries stiff, but hey, they still let me do it! I herd them. Then I play Can You Avoid The Five Razors with them. I snatch their food. I mean, let's face it, it's a sibling thing with us now. We are One. We are family. It was either that or lose an eyeball right?

Ok Ok, so once in awhile they are ingrates, like when something goes wrong, they take off and don't help me out when I am getting reamed by The Woman. Or if they break something, they scatter and leave innocent me to get the blame. And it's more than a little bit annoying to always find one of my duckies floating belly up in my water dish. Or like the time Mojo just sat on the cupboard and snickered while he watched me surf it and scarf up an entire coffee cake, and then sat there and laughted while I barfed like about fourteen times. I mean, he coulda warned me. And then there's when $nack drops pieces of paper in my water bowl too. And then there's those times Mojo ever -so- slightly embeds his two claws on either side of my eyeballs and makes me freeze, just to show me who's got the weapons in the house. I just wish he wouldn't do it for like ten minutes at a time. It gets tiring.

But I know in their sneaky little hearts that they love me because I am 22 months old and I don't have a mark on me. So you guys tell me, is that love or what?

I never dreamed I could possibly reach this point. I am an honorary cat! Hear that Mojo???? Other cats love me, so you better appreciate me and show some respect when I belch.

Daisy, I love ya girl!

So Cool! I Got An Award!

2008-01-15T13:50:00.000-05:00

I got an award! I'm like biting my foot here!

I mean I never get awards unless I practically give them to myself. I don't know what it is about me, but it probably has to do with The Woman. I mean it can't possibly be Perfect Me, Right? Right? I would probably be way more popular if somebody would just come and get me out of here!

Anyways, I love Pippa! Pippa gave me the You Make My Day Award! I mean it doesn't get any better than making somebody's day right?

Thanks Pippa! Slobbers to you. If I lived next door to you I would bring you one of my Raw Meaty Bones right now!

Somebody Take This Handy Cam Away From Her!

2008-01-13T07:43:00.000-05:00

Yeah well it was a crappy day outside with mud and rain and crap, and the Woman said, "Tosca you have got to stay inside because I am not going to spend the day brushing dried mud off of you". So I was minding my own Perfect business, copping some ZZZZzz's and then the next thing you know, my cats Roni and Mojo hopped on and took up all the room. I mean, I didn't invite them or anything. But so anyways, The Nutball grabbed the video thing that makes me shudder everytime I see it. So what's she do? She says, "Tosca, Stay". So, being Perfect and all, I obeyed. So I don't want you to think I was mothering them or anything, because I am Dog, Here Me Roar! Anyways, here is yet another bad video of me and my cats Mojo and Roni. I had to put up with this when all I wanted to do is sleep and have some nice dreams of Raw Meaty Bones and other important things.

If someone would just break into this Nuthouse and come and get me, I would go willingly and quietly. Just so you all know. I mean I'm Perfect Right? And fairly cute. And I obey. Well that thing with that squirrel the other day was a deviation, but for the most part I obey. And I don't eat much. Well ok, I do eat some, but not more than, say, a Great Dane or something.

I Called Nigeria and Everything Will Be Great Now!

2008-01-08T18:09:00.000-05:00

Yeah well I was thinking, if I could be an independently wealthy Perfect Collie, all kinds of doors would open up for me. I mean, I could travel the world and visit all my DWB buddies and bring them extravagant gifts and have a great time dating all the DWB boys and things. And I would get to meet all the cool humans your DWBs live with, some of them might even actually take some decent pictures of me instead of the crap The Woman posts. You know, pictures that show me to be the Perfect Collie that I am! I mean, a Rich Perfect Collie is even better than a regular Perfect Collie, right?

Well but so, just as I was dreaming about all of this, right there in my own personal Perfect email box was an email from DR,YOSUF AKEM, AUDITING AND ACCOUNTING DEPARTMENT BANK OF AFRICA (BOA) in Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso . Now this guy has to unload $20 Million smackers and he wants me to have it. Or as he called it, "TWENNTY MILION FIVE HUNDRIED THOUSAND US DOLLERS". Ok so he can't spell, but like who cares right? I mean 20 Mill is 20 Mill right?

Apparently, some guy in Germany and his whole dang family died in a plane crash and nobody claimed this money for six years and now it's mine because my buddy YOSUF AKEM needs a Perfect Collie in another country to claim it. I mean we are gonna split it, ya know?

But so anyways, this seems like a good deal and so I just called the number in the email and gave them The Woman's charge card. I should have the money before her next statement comes and she won't be mad because I will have 20 million.

But so anyways, once the money arrives, I plan to stop by and see all of you. I mean who says we dogs can't wheel and deal!

My New Year Resolutions

2008-01-07T08:32:00.000-05:00

Ok like so don't forget that I tagged you to Show Us Your Tongue in the post below this one. For some fershtunkin' reason, Blogger made the Email option at the bottom of my posts has disappeared even though I didn't make it disappear and didn't change a single setting. So I can't send myself a link to post here. Thanks Blogger!

I've been thinking about my New Year's Resolutions, and even though I already broke a couple of them, it's never too late to change your ways right? So here are my resolutions

1. I am going to try not to burp indescriminately and embarrass The Woman. Although I still maintain she's very lucky it doesn't happen from the other end, right?

2. I am going to try not to fester over squirrels as much. I will catch one of those little bastages one of these days, and when I do, I am going to grab it by the neck and shake the bejesus out of it and then.....um....I'm sorry, I was festering again. Scrap that resolution.

3. I am going to try not to lick Mojo's head stiff. He says that my spit turns stiff whereas HIS spit dries spring fresh and silky. Harumph.

Now this is the gross picture he keeps pimping to prove how my spit is sticky and then stiff, but I categorically deny that I did this.

4. I am going to try to stop waking the Woman up at 3 AM with my incessant duckie squeaking. She's looking pretty ratty.

5. I am going to bite my foot less when I'm upset, or at least switch feet more often.

6. I am going to try not to eat any tootsie rolls from the litter box because it makes the woman wretch and her eyes water. That's why I try to kiss her after I do it.

7. I am going to try not to bark at every dang thing that goes by my house and learn to distinguish between Jack The Ripper and a pile of blowing leaves. Squirrels, however, do not count.

8. I'm gonna stop getting mad when $nack drops my duckies in my own personal water dish. Instead I am just going to pick it out of the dish and squeeze it out all over her. Seems fair, right?

9. I'm going to try harder not to counter surf, except when there is a steak up there. That would render this resolution null and void.

Tagathon, Listen Up! Show Us Your Tongue!

2008-01-03T16:50:00.000-05:00

Ok every dog, listen up! I'm tagging the whole motley crew of you. I want this to spread everywhere! I mean what greater badge can a dog have this his or her tongue, right? So come on, give us a big smile, say "Bully Stick" and show us your tongue!

Happy New Year!

2007-12-30T20:08:00.001-05:00

Yeah, Mojo picked out the song. What can I tell ya? I am definitely not in charge here. But so anyways, me and my cats which all you dogs, cats, hamsters, bunnys and every other species reading my blog a Happy New Year! And that includes our not-so-bright humans too. We love our two legged pets, feeding machines, such as they are, right?

I love you all.

Happy Holidays!

2007-12-23T17:33:00.000-05:00

Ok well here it is nearly Christmas and so far none of you has ever seen me move. I mean you have seen bad photos of me brought to you by The Woman who is photographically impaired. Well guess what? The Woman bought a camcorder, so now in addition to being photgraphically impaired, she is video impaired. So here's my first video. The Woman had to dub music over her voice because she was swearing a lot trying to get the camera to work for her inept self. But I, on the other hand, was the Perfect Collie that I always am, so here I am being obedient and encouraging her to get this first paltry movie to work.

Count on more equally bad but longer videos of me and my cats in the future. That is, if The Woman doesn't throw the camera against the wall first. Maybe when you see how truly bad she is at this, one of you will finally come get me the heck out of this Nuthouse. All I can say is it's a good thing I'm Perfect, right?

Me and my cats just want to wish all our fellow dogs, cats, hamsters and readers a Merry Christmas. And if you don't celebrate Christmas, we wish you just plain happiness!

Me and The Nutball Woman want you to know how much we love and appreciate you all, especially my loyal fans. After all, a Perfect Collie has to have fans, right??

To all my Kitty Friends :May Santa bring you all the catnip you want. The good stuff, from Columbia.

May Santa bring all you doogs a boatload of smelly bully sticks while your humans gag at the knowledge that we dogs LOVE bull wee wees! How much fun is THAT?

May Santa bring our Honorary Dog, Girl Girl lots of nesting material and hamster treats, whatever hamster treats are.

I gotta run now and pretend I've been good all year so I get everything I want.

Face Licks,
Tosca

Me and Mojo Sing

2007-12-21T17:59:00.001-05:00

Me and my cat Mojo put a coupla songs together for your Christmas listening pleasure. Just double click on any of the songs below and enjoy.

(I had to remove this so the other song in my new post could play, sorry doods and doodettes!)

Which Reindeer Are You??

2007-12-20T00:26:00.000-05:00

Dear Uncle Joe and cousins Essex and Deacon at Keywestcollies: Thank you for the Essexmas card. I got more cards this year than The Woman. Is this a surprise? Of course not.

Now onto which reindeer I am and a little test for all you dogs, kits and hamsters:

You Are Dasher

You're an independent minded reindeer who never plays by the rules.

Why You're Naughty: That little coup you tried to stage against Santa last year

Why You're Nice: You secretly give naughty children presents.

Which of Santa's Reindeer Are You?

Got Snow?????

2007-12-13T21:26:00.000-05:00

Oh Dog!

I was like sooooo excited when we got 6 inches of snow like all at once! I mean don't get me wrong, I like leaves, but snow is the bomb! I mean you can run in it and slide all around and you don't have to work because snow doesn't need to be herded like leaves. So it's just play.

Anyways we got this really great snow and The Woman was moaning and whining about alllllllllll thisssss snowwwwwwwww. She was whining about how she had to shovvvvvvvelllllll allllllll thissssss snowwwwwww! I mean come on! Why shovel it??? Leave it! It's fun! I don't get it with humans. They just don't know what's good! They throw away perfectly good food in the garbage. Stuff like steak grizzle and chicken skin! I mean come on! That's good stuff! So is snow!

Anyways, I was looking out the back window and hopping around and moaning and honking and hopping some more, figuring if I honk and moan enough she would throw me outside or something for punishment. I wanted to get out into that stuff ASAP or sooner. So then she said,

All Right Tosca, go be a Snow Bunny.

So out I went. I ran here. I ran there. I ran here again. I stuck my tongue out and caught some flakes. It was everywhere!

Then the woman came out all bundled up like the abominable snowman. Humans aren't lucky like Collies. I don't need to get all dressed up for snow. I got my double coat and I'm good to go. So out she came, complaining and moaning about how cold it was while I circled her and tried to herd her. To be honest, she looked really stupid in all those clothes and I was glad we were on our own private land so nobody saw me with her because it was really embarrassing.

Then, are you ready for this?

She threw snow in my Perfect face, can you imagine? I mean she picked up a glob of snow and pushed it right in my Perfect face! So I knocked her on her butt. I mean I didn't hurt her or anything because the snow was like a big ole mattress for her butt and she was wearing like fifteen pounds of clothing. But she whined anyways.

"Tosca,!" she whined, "It's colllllllllllllllllllld."

"Tosca you shouldn't knock me on my butt! "

"Tosca, why did you do that?" she screetched.

Like what do you mean Why Did I Do It? I did it because I could!

But so anyways, she was getting kind of stiff and frozen after awhile, and she was whining pretty steadily, so she went inside, thank Dog. Then I could actually have some fun. I chased a boatload of those rotten lousy squirrels. And they were hanging over me in the trees shaking the branches and getting snow all over me, and one of these days I am gonna grab one of those squirrels and shake the bejesus out of it and then I am gonna........oh...sorry, I was Squirrel Festering again. Give me a minute...

Ok I'm all right now.

But so anyways, it was a good day in the snow. I think I look good in snow don't you? The woman always says Tosca you look so good in the snow. I personally don't give a rat's butt how I look in the snow.

I just LOVE the white stuff!

Ask Tosca Claus

2007-12-11T10:41:00.000-05:00

Tell Tosca Claus what you want for Christmas and I will post it so that your dumb humans will get the point and not buy you something you don't really want. Let it all hang out doogs. Go for the Gold! After all, I am going to embarrass these humans with follow up after Christmas to make sure you have been properly taken care of!

Yo, Humans, take note! Listen to your doogs, folks, and maybe you would find fewer chairs chewed, fewer spots on the carpet and stuff like that. You reading me?

Post your wishes in the comments section and I will post it right here in front on my blog for Dog and everybody to see. This guarantees you get what you want. Whoot and Ho Ho Ho!

The Woman's Laptop Broke and I Was Biting My Foot!

2007-12-09T11:33:00.000-05:00

Oh man let me tell you, I couldn't get online for a long time, most of the week. Bummer I tell you! Bummer!

The Woman's laptop went belly up and, since she's a digit head, she invoked her dubious skills at fixing it. On Sunday I was like Oh Boy, there goes my online life! On Monday, I was twitching a little bit. By Tuesday, I was in full withdrawal and The Woman had to give me a raw meaty bone and send me out in the yard while she worked.

Let me tell you gang, there were laptop pieces all over the place. And screws! TONS of screws! $nack kept wanting to play with the screws and I was getting more nervous by the minute. My foot was getting raw from biting it! I got a LOT of raw meaty bones this past week let me tell you.

Now I have to admit that I doubted the woman's abilility to fix this mess for a few seconds. Ok ok, I doubted her for longer than a few seconds. Because by Thursday, the thing was still in pieces.

"I'm waiting for parts, Tosca" she droned.

"Stop pestering me Tosca" she blurted.

"Tosca have faith" she whined.

But still, it was Friday and ....nothing. Just pieces of my own personal laptop all taken apart and locked in the dining room sitting there right on the LL Bean Farmhouse table, which I might add, I am used to cruising with my nose. The Woman wouldn't let any of us in there. "I don't want your hairs all over everything Tosca," she snipped.

Well by late Friday I was like totally needing a methadone program or something. I was in full withdrawal. The Woman was kind of twitchy herself to tell the truth. Then the Fed Ex guy showed up. I hate that Fed Ex guy. I have tried to eat him on several occasions and he is so scared of my own perfect self that he leaves packages at the door, rings the bell and runs. What a tobacco roader that guy is. I mean I LOVE the UPS guy. That guy is just plain cool. He can come right in with the packages and I do my very best to leave some of my perfect fur all over him. He has biscuits too! I mean they are your common run of the mill biscuits, they're not Canidae Snap Biscuits like I am used to, but they do in a pinch let me tell you. But the Fex Ex guy? He could bring me a steak for all I care, I still want to eat him. But hey, at least he brought The Parts. I gave him a slight reprieve for that, but make no mistake, I will catch him another time.

But so anyways, here I am online again folks. The Woman pulled off the repair. She replaced the entire Mother Board. What the fershtunk is a Mother Board? Do they have Father Boards too? And if so, how come she didn't replace the Father Board? I mean replace the whole family right? Anyways, the power supply was all screwed up too, so I mean she practically replaced the whole fershtunkin' mess. Ok it took her all week but she pulled it off. I mean how cool is that? I'm kinda glad she took all week because I got more raw bones, if you get my drift.

I do have to tell you that the laptop had a lot of me in there. I mean there was fur everywhere. So the innards got a good cleaning and now I will have to start all over furring up the laptop. Cripes, a dog's work is never done is it???

Anyways, I am sure you all missed me. When I cruise your blogs, I just bet I will read "Where's Perfect Tosca"? posts just dedicated to me. I mean I'm gonna see that, right? Right?

Leaves! It's What's For Dinner!

2007-11-24T10:24:00.000-05:00

Leaves!

Leaves everyyyyyywhere!

Leaves can be fun because you can slide on them when they are wet. You can hide in them if they are deep enough! And if you are like me, you enjoy eating them too. I eat a whole boatload of leaves when I go out back. Then I usually throw up, but hey it's worth it! I kind of think of leaf eating as preparation for My Fall Job.

Well but so as you all know, I am a herding dog. So when fall comes I do what herding dogs do best. Well not exactly. See, The Woman doesn't have any sheep so I can't herd them. So I look for other things to herd. Sometimes I try to herd squirrels but they are just not into playing with me, expecially since one of these days I am going to grab one of those little bastages and rip its throat out....and then I am going to shake the bejesus out of it and throw it around the yard....and...oh wait, I am festering again. Give me a minute.....

Ok, I'm fine again.

I also try to herd my cats on occasion, but I have learned through the School of Hard knocks that this can be an embarrassing if not a painful experience, so I do it less and less these days if you get my drift.

Anyways, in the fall, I herd the one thing that there is a lot of. Leaves! It's my job. I mean leaves are everywhere and they are incorrigible and they require the kind of Leadershp a Collie can provide a herd. So in the fall I heard about five hundred and forty thousand leaves. They have to be put in appropriate piles so that The Woman can place them at the curb for pick up. There is a deadline, which means they have to be herded Before The Snow Comes. So it's my job to herd the leaves into their proper piles--and keep them there.

A Perfect Collie's work is never done is it?

Anyways, I am a Perfect Leaf herder. The problem is, leaves are very disobedient. Very disobedient. So I herd a leaf and I put it where it belongs in the pile I have set up, and next thing I know, the leaf moves! So I put it back. Then it moves again and this makes me very very upset, so I growl. Sometimes when I growl, the leaves will stay put, but there are also outside forces at work here. Like Wind. Wind is The Enemy when you have a Leaf Herding job. I mean you could spend half a day getting them all in the Pile and a good wind comes along and you gotta start all over again. This really sucks! Sometimes this makes me so mad, I grab some of the disobedient leaves and shake them and kill them collectively.

But so anyways, the other day I did my herding job and was pretty much ticked off because it rained and the Pile got all mushed up. So the woman felt sorry for me, which is good. Because when she feels sorry for me, it usually means a seriously good treat. Well this time I was so overworked at the overwhelming task that The Woman brought me my favorite treat of all time, A Raw Meaty Bone. Especially a Pork Neck Bone. Well I was out there growling and herding and nipping and out She comes and says,

"Tosca you are working soooooooooo hard, I have a present for Perfect You".

Ok she didn't exactly call me Perfect You, but it's my blog and I can embellish if I want to. Besides we all know I am perfect right? Right?

But so anyways out she came with this hunk of neck bone and let me tell you all of my woes vanished. I was clacking and drooling all over myself. I grabbed that sucker and ran to the back of the land! As you can see, there are many many more leaves to be herded out here behind The Nuthouse. But I don't care. I got my neck bone so they can all bite the dust for all I care!

So here I am disregarding the leaves that will be herded right after I eat

this bone.

Notice that the leaves seem very relaxed because they think they are safe from me now. But I'm just seasoning them!

I've Been Elfed! Updated By Mojo!

2007-11-23T04:32:00.000-05:00

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=9580997170

Click there and see! And don't forget to Elf yourself too!

Psst. Hey stinky Goggies! I ain't letting this one go by. Now we've ALL be Elfed. So Elf the whole bunch of you, right fellow kitties?
http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=9585095509

7 Wierd Things About Perfect Me

2007-11-21T02:54:00.000-05:00

Ok well my cousins Deacon, Essex and my Uncle Joe over at Keywestcollies tagged me to tell you about seven wierd things about Perfect Me. I'm kind of late on the uptake posting lately. For one thing, The Woman can't shake the flu she has. I mean she is really in gross shape, let me tell you. If I had someplace better to go, I would leave her right here to stew in her own congestion.

Basically, for at least a week, me and my cats have pretty much been left to our own devices. I mean she slaps the food down and lets me out but that's pretty much all she could handle. So we did our jobs and hung out with her and kept her warm and tried not to be annoying pests, which in itself is a big achievement. I know I've been remiss on blog visits too so I promise I will make it up to all of you.

But so anyways, here's my seven wierd things.

1. I always poop in the same area in the back. I cannot poop anyplace else. I refuse to poop anywhere except my spot. If I am out walking with The Woman or I am away from home, I will not poop unless it is a dire emergency.

2. I only like duckie squeek toys. I mean it has to be a duckie. If it's not a duckie, I am not interested. Do you hear me? Not only that, but the duckie has to SOUND right. So the Woman takes me to Pet Supplies Plus whenever I am due for another Duckie and she squeeze them all for me until I hear the one I want.

3. When I sleep at night, I line up some of my duckies near me. I cannot sleep without at least two of my duckies.

4. I can belch in your face at any time. I mean I belch in people's faces all the time. It's just a thing I do. At first, the woman was embarrassed about this, but now it's just like a standard thing. I mean, I think she finally realized that it could be worse. I could be using the other end of my body. Sometimes I just belch for the heck of it. Like if The Woman is annoyed with me, I look at her and I belch.

5.I make a lot of noises. In perpetua. I moan for no reason. I groan. I honk. I honk a lot. I also clack in thin air too. I mean that's right, I just sit there and go clackclackclackclack. Like if she's getting me a paltry biscuit, I sit there and clack because I know I'm gonna get a biscuit. I guess that's a Collie thing or something. Whatever.

6. Given the opportunity, I will eat cat poop. I think cat poop is a delicacy myself and I don't know what all the human fuss is about it. Anyways, the Woman gags if she sees me do this. Then I try to kiss her and make up.

7.Sometimes, I eat some of the mail before She opens it. I once ate a dividend check. I ate a $20 bill once too and it wasn't salvageable.

I got more stuff to tell you but this is about all the woman can handle right now, so I'll be back soon as I can, unless somebody out there comes and takes me away from this Nuthouse first.

Oh wait, there's one more thing. Uncle Joe Keywest gave me this neat thing. There's this website where you can key your name in and it gives you your Royal Title. Anyways, here's mine. What's yours? In fact, I am tagging the Whole Lot of you to post your Royal Titles. Get on it!

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is:
Milady the Right Reverend Tosca the Superficial of Much Bottom
Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

Rain Should Be Against The Law

2007-11-07T13:00:00.000-05:00

I hate rain. Rain should be illegal. I mean I LIKE rain but The Woman won't let me do much in it because she says I get all filthy and stuff. I mean I'm a dog! I should be allowed to be filthy if I want to be right?

But Noooooooooooo. She says, Tosca, you have to stay inside. I am not going to let you slide around out there in the mud and the leaves. It's just not right Tosca. Now go snuggle on your couch. You know, Tosca, the couch you ate huge chunks off of, the one that is now Yours. Like rub it in will ya? I mean that was a youthful indescretion! I haven't eaten one single bad thing since then. Well ok, there was that down comforter, but that was just a fluke. Ok, there were The Woman's jeans, but that wasn't my fault. Somebody broke in the house during the night and did it and I got blamed.

So I sit here and sulk. Does it work? No! I moan. Does it work? No! I honk. Does it work? Noooooooo! "Tosca," she says, "You are NOT going out there except for bodily functions.". What the fershtunk is that supposed to mean? Then she says "Tosca it costs a fortune to get you groomed when you get all filthy. You are going to send me to the poor house. Now sit still here and Mommy will take some nice pictures of Perfect You and everybody can see how you are so pretty and not full of mud.". Oh shut up will ya? I wanna go outside! I wanna slide on dirty filthy leaves!

So who says I gotta be groomed just because I rolled in some harmless mud or chased a skunk or something? I mean I don't mind, why should she? I mean it's MY perfect body, right. Somebody needs to get me out of here folks. A dog ought to be able to roll in the mud if she wants to.

How Do You Love Me? Let Me Count The Ways

2007-11-04T11:16:00.000-05:00

I have these Special Dog friends over at this forum the Woman posts at over here at http://worldofdogs.myfastforum.org/.

The forum is owned by The Woman's friend and her dog Whiskey. For those of you who don't know Whiskey, he is the quintessential Disguise Dog. He does major balancing acts too. You can see Whiskey over here. Try not to split a gut okay? I mean he's that funny. You tell me if you know any doog who can put more food on himself and not eat it!

We even got a couple of professional trainers down there at our forum, who teach positive training methods and are always happy to help anybody out. Not that Perfect Me needs help, mind you. I mean I hesitate to show you this place because I don't want any competition with the handsome doogs there. You understand? Good. Anyways, you can come down and see us over there just so long as you don't mess with my Special Friends, which is basically ALL the boy dogs.

But so anyways, there are a lot of handsome doogs there who ask for my paw! So I thought I would share with you some of the photos they made up to give me. Being a Perfect Collie is really great sometimes, except when I blow my coat and then they ostracize me and make me feel like a leper and I can't even get close to any food and everybody coughs near me and.....oh sorry, I was festering again. Give me a second....

Ok I'm fine now.

Over here is my special friend Summer Riot. Special Friend is a great way to describe somebody isn't it? I mean it beats "boyfriend" and stuff like that. So check out this special photo Riot made just for special me. How cool is this huh?

I mean how cool is that? There's Riot looking at MOI!

Ok so like check THIS out. Here's my Special Friend Handsome Charlie and he took the time to make up a special Romeo and Juliet edition photo of us. I mean how cool is HE folks? A Handsome Dog by Any Other Name is Still A Handsome Dog!

I tell you I love when doogs do these things for me. Makes my heart flutter! So feel free to do one yourself and I will post it here on my blog if you want. Come one Come all! I am always happy to post photos of the handsome doods who love me. And I love them too! Now if the woman would only let me out of her sight, I might actually get something going, ya know what I mean? I mean I got all these handsome doogs who love me and I can't even get some slack. Somebody get me out of here!

Happy Collieween

2007-10-30T23:30:00.001-04:00

Me and my cat Mojo, who are both incidentally deprived of the benefit of clothing, wish you all a Happy Collie Ween.

Are You Getting Skeered Yet!!!???

2007-10-30T09:28:00.000-04:00

I woke up this morning and here is what Mojo looked like. I peed! I tell you this Halloween thing is going too far over here at the nuthouse!

Somebody get me out of here! The whole nuthouse looks creepy. The Woman came downstairs looking like this! I mean not that it isn't creepy enough for me here the rest of the year but this is over the top! I'm afraid to eat what she gave me!

Then I went to go find $nack and look what happened to her! And it ain't even Halloween yet! I'm biting my foot here!

Look what happened to my pumpkins!

But so anyways, like I said fourteen thousand times, the woman won't put clothing on us. She says, "Tosca you are already full of yourself as it is without adding a wardrobe". So I guess I am on my own for tomorrow, just me and some photo editor if you get my drift!

I tell you, this place scares me! I mean it scares me all year! Somebody come and get me now! They want to be a big ole Collie Dog shaking in her paws! Come and get me right now! Well not exactly right now, let me eat my expensive food first.....

I promise to be good if you remove me from this Nut Farm! I won't require much. Just my own room with an imported sheepskin, my own entrance, a big screen TV tuned to Animal Planet. Three expensive meals a day. And you hold an umbrella over me when it rains, and I have to be towel dried when I get wet, and the towel has to be in the dryer first....And lots of duck toys....and......

Awards To Special Kitties and Great Pumpkins

2007-10-26T02:24:00.001-04:00

I want to give the I Love Your Blog award that I gave myself to three kit friends' blogs. I am doing this because these kits pay attention to me and love me even though Mojo says I am a smelly dog, Roni finds me annoying and $nack is trying to remove my eyes. So, Not Of My Species Special Friends
Astorcats, Daisy The Curly Cat, and The Zoo Kits, here is your very cool award! Please bear in mind that I stole this banner from Asta's sidebar and so far nobody has prosecuted me, but I know that if I do get arrested, you kits will be right there to bring me some milk and fish, right? Right?

.
Now, you all know it's getting reallllllly close to Halloweenie, so I thought you all might like to see some winning pumpkins you could steal for your blogs like I did .

Snowball In The Face and Giving Myself A Few Awards

2007-10-25T10:03:00.001-04:00

Well, sweet, lovable Collie Benjamin threw a snowball at me in the 2007-2008 Dogs With Blogs Snowball War. I mean I got it right in the Perfect Smacker too. Nice shot Benjamin. I'll be lobbing some big ones back at you as soon as it snows here in Upstate, let me tell you.

So along with the snowball comes a Doggie Poem and explanation that is supposed to make getting my Perfect Facial Fur snowballed pretty much ok. Because like the song says, Dogs Just Wanna Have Fun! You can't stop us from having fun! Fun is....well...Fun is Fun! Thanks for thinkin' of me, Cute Benjamin! Here's his message:
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~You have just been hit with a blog snow ball!~ It's the start of..... Snow Ball Fight 2007!! & 2008!! One rule to this game.... You can NOT hit someone who has already hit you! Now... go out there and get as many people as you can, before they get you! I got you first! and you can't get me back!

Nanee - Nanee - Nanee!We do not stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.

Now ain't that the truth! I mean I am NEVER gonna stop playing!

Now onto my award Numero Uno.

What awards you ask! What the fershtunck are you talking about, Tosca?, you ask. You are asking, right? Well Doogs all over the place are handing out "You Are A Treat" Awards and I Love Your Blog Awards, but nobody gave Perfect Me either of these so I am giving them to myself. I mean a Perfect Collie such as myownself can do that right? Right?

So without further ado, I give you my Award Numero Uno, presented by me to me. Well I don't really give it to you, that's just an expression. I give it me. The You're a Treat Award. *****

Thank you! Thank you! I an honored! I will be here all week! Try the veal and don't forget to tip your waitress!

UPDATE! UPDATE! I am wrong! Marvin DID give me this award last Saturday! I have it right here in my notes but The Woman didn't read them! I am so sorry Marvin! I love you, you handsome lovable dood! So...so that means I have TWO now! Heee Hawwwwww!!

Well now let me tell you, if there's anything that gets me revved up more than an award, it's TWO awards! So now comes an award I REALLY love! It's called the Love Your Blog Award! I mean is this an exciting award or what? I mean I am biting my foot here!

Look! Here's my Love Your Blog Award!

Presented by Perfect Me to Perfect Me! I copped it off of Urbanista Asta Up Over's Sidebar, since I know she loves me and won't sue me for copping her award. Besides, it was presented by that sweet little honorary dog, Girl Girl and I know Girl Girl loves me too. I mean The Woman makes me miss all the parties and the good stuff, but hey I'm still lovable right? If somebody would just get me the fershtunk out of this nuthouse, I would do better!
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But so anyways, I LOVE YOUR BLOG, PERFECT TOSCA!

It's so good to be loved by so many....um...by ME!

Fur Explosion, Nekkid in New York

2007-10-20T09:45:00.000-04:00

Well but I know I mentioned a coupla posts ago that I was going through my Collie Coat Blowing routine. Well geeze, you would think that everybody around me was like choking to death on fur or something. I mean, nobody wanted to get near me. The cats were like hacking hairballs up and things, but I KNOW for a FACT it wasn't all just my fur but I couldn't prove it or anything because the cats just kept blaming me and The Woman always believes the cats.

And guess what all else? I mean, you're not gonna believe this but The Woman had taken to getting dressed and sneaking down the stairs and escaping out of the house without even saying Goodbye Tosca. Can you imagine? I was crushed let me tell you. She kept saying, "Tosca if I get near you it's like you cover me with fur and then when I leave the house everybody laughs at me". And she went through like 16 rolls of masking tape or something. I wasn't allow within twenty feet of any food! Now that was a hard one, let me tell you.

I tell you it was bizarre. I mean the hair was just shooting out of my body like some kind of Hair Canon was in there. I couldn't even bite my own foot without getting a mouthful of fur. The Woman kept pulling entire chunks of fur off me left and right. She started calling me Snagglepuss and there were what she called Tumbling Tumbleweeds flying all around the house. Visitors couldn't wait to get the fershtunk out of the house. My favorite neighbor sneezed when she got near me. My life was unraveling because my ...well...my FUR was unraveling! I mean I couldn't help it folks! It's what Collies do! How the heck is that my fault?

Well but so anyways, she finally said, "Tosca you have got to go to the groomer before we all need to call 911". So off she bundled me. I got hair all over the car on the way. She said I was like that cartoon character Pig Pen. Wherever I went, all these fur balls followed me. So I went to the groomer without even complaining. I mean did you think I enjoyed being treated like a leper?

Anyways, Jodi, my groomer, who appreciates how Perfect I am, stripped my undercoat and did what you call Line Grooming and let me tell you she took off so much fur, I lost a pound without even trying! Then she used the thinning shears on my butt furs. Now by this time, The Woman was home fretting and waiting because she knew my Perfect Coat was going to be a shadow of its former Perfect Self when she picked me up. I mean she was whining about how I just got my beautiful mane just right and now it was Off With Tosca's Perfect Fur.

Well anyways, when the Woman picked me up I was so glad to see her! I didn't know if she was even going to want me anymore, I lost so much fur! In fact, I was glad to see everybody in the waiting area, including all the dogs. Everybody oohed and ahhed and said What A Perfect Dog! Except for The Woman of course. She said, "Oooooooo Tosca you are practically nekkid now and Tosca you smell like a French hooker and your nose is a lot longer without all that mane"! Geeze! Everybody else was like saying, You Mean She Had Even More Fur than This Before?

The Woman took pictures of me when I got home because she knew Dogs With Blogs would ask for them. Of course it was raining like crazy because it just has to rain whenever a doog gets groomed right? I mean what else? Well anyways, the Woman stood out in the rain and let me sit under trees so my Perfect Self wouldn't get wet, considering it costs a fortune to groom me.

Okay so here I am.

Whatchu guys think?

I'm still perfect, right?

I mean less fur, but perfect nonetheless?

Right? Right?

Marvin Tagged Me For My Nicknames

2007-10-13T21:33:00.000-04:00

Ok well that cute doog Marvin, Marvin, a legend in his own lunchtime, tagged me to tell you my own embarrassing nicknames. So here goes:

Sometimes The Woman calls me Taka. That's right, Taka. Well it's pronounced Tocka, but it's Taka. You got a problem with that?

And sometimes, she pushes the envelope and calls me Tinaka. Yup, Tinaka.

And sometimes she calls me Colliwog. Just shut up will you?

And sometimes she calls me Puccini's Girl.

Ok, so you are asking, why would she call me this. You are asking that right? Well because there is this opera called Tosca by a guy named Puccini who's been dead like fifteen thousand years. Thus, Puccini's Girl. Now don't ask me why this is a good thing. I mean Puccini's Tosca got herself in a horrible mess and ended up jumping into the Tiber River. The Woman explains how I got my name in this old post. Go ahead and read it. I'll wait....

You done?

Ok then, so anyways, you can see why being called Puccini's Girl could make a girl nervous right?

Ok ok you are figuring I must be holding back at least one of my nicknames. Well you are right. Do you know what The Woman calls me sometimes? You will never guess in a million years.

She calls me Pepe Le Pew! I mean is this an insult or what folks? First of all Pepe Le Pew stinks. I mean he stinks so bad he can't even stand himself! Now everybody who is anybody knows that a Collie is a Stinkless Dog. That's right folks. Collies do not get doggie stink. You could have a Collie and never give your Collie a bath for like fifteen thousand years and he will not stink! So overall, she has a LOT of nerve calling me Pepe Le Pew.

So then why does she call me this you ask? You are asking, right? Well because awhile back, Dogs With Blogs were tagging each other to show a celebrity they looked most like. So the woman started thinking and preparing. But I never got tagged and I was glad let me tell you! Because she pulled up this shot of the Stinky Skunk Pepe Le Pew and said, Look Tosca!!! You kinda have markings like Pepe!! Here's Pepe hugging a cat, Tosca, just like you!

I was horrified, let me tell you.

Then she said, Look Tosca!!! See??? See????!! Pepe has that tuft of hair on his head just like your tufts between your ears! Seeeeeeeee????

I was mortified.

Then she said, Look Tosca! Pepe has a bushy black and white tail just like you do!

As time went on and I gratefully passed under the Nickname Tag Radar, I forgot all about this. But now the Woman just squeeled with delight when Marvin tagged me for nicknames, let me tell you.

I gotta run now. Mojo is snickering over my shoulder and whispering "Pepe" in my ear. He has that Chesire look. I am going to go herd his butt into the next county right now. I don't blame you, Marvin. How could you know?

Love,

Pepe

Then and Now And a Mass Tagathon

2007-10-08T15:48:00.000-04:00

Well but so here I am again, barking orders and telling everybody they are tagged. I got this idea from one of your blogs where everybody was tagged to tell about their fist day home with a picture. Well, the thing is, I wasn't tagged at all, because I was left out, imagine Perfect Me going Untagged. Well but so anyways I was just getting ready to post a picture of my first day with The Nutcase even if nobody tagged me -- when I got this Perfect brainstorm and decided it would be really really cool if everybody posted Then and Now photos. So I'm gonna start.

Now my cool breeder mom and dad, Kay and Dan Foster kept The Woman abreast of just how cool a Collie I really was, so I was able to snatch up pictures of me from practically Day One. So here goes the story of Perfect Me in Pictorial form.

I was born on March 19,2006, the same day Mom's late brother was born. The woman picked me out on Day Three. Here's a picture of me on March 22, the first shot of me alone. The Woman says she just took one look at me and "It just felt right" whatever the heck that means. Well, she picked me out of the crowd, but my breeder wasn't sure Mom could have me, so The Woman had several weeks to do some fancy footwork.

So here I am on Week Three looking pretty darned cute if I do say so myownself. By this time, The Woman was wildly in love with me above and beyond all the other puppies. She still knew she was going to have to do some pretty convincing things to get me because she wasn't first on the list. In fact, she had all she could do to get ahead on the list at all. But if The Woman has one good and bad thing about her, it's her tenacity. By this time she had my future veterinarian, Dr Mark, email Kay and he told her how responsible The Nutball was as a cat owner, and that he wouldn't hesitate to give me one of his kids or something. That pretty much sealed it. The Woman was definitely going to get a Collie but she still had some work to do to make sure it was going to be Perfect Me. This was also the time around which The Woman said she was seriously entertaining the thought of driving up the Rainbow Lake, breaking into my breeder's home, grabbing me and running.

Here's me chowing down with all my cool littermates. I will have you know that I was the biggest puppy in the litter too. I mean you would hardly know this now considering my Perfectly Feminine Perfect Self right?

Right? I thought so.

Now over here is a pic my breeder Mom sent The Woman on her birthday. It came with a note that said "Happy Birthday Mommy". The Woman jumped for joy because this was my breeder Mom's way of saying that the chances were pretty good she was going to let her have Perfect Me for her otherwise Imperfect Self.

So here I am in the middle of May, still hanging out over at my breeders Kay and Dan's joint, waiting around to be old enough to go home with The Woman.

This other shot is of me messing around with my brother River.

So like here I am a couple of days before The Woman came and got me to bring me to my forever home. It came with a note that said I loved her and couldn't wait to come home, which was really a lot of hooey because I hardly even knew her, if you get my drift. But eh! A dog's gotta do what a dog's gotta do, right?

So like over here is a picture of me and The Woman on May 22, the Big Day. I was the magic 9 weeks old and this is when she came and picked me up. This is us in the parking lot of MacDonald's on that very day. I didn't get any burgers or anything even though I was a good dog. Anyways, I slept the rest of the way home because I was burnt out what with the trip and all.

Now here I am in June all settled in here at the Nuthouse. This is the point at which my head suddenly got bigger than the rest of my body and nearly fell off. I mean, my head was really not fitting well on my scrawny body at all, but I didn't care. The Woman said she loved me anyways, the cats hadn't scratched my eye out yet and I was eating some pretty good grub.

By the end of July my body had balanced out but, as The Woman kept mentioning, a clownish look seemed to take over my entire existence.

Of course, to illustrate this effect, The Woman just had to pull up a shot of me with my tongue sticking out to humiliate me. What a vile woman she is.

Here's shot of my Perfect Head in late August when I was filling out just nicely and starting to actually look like a Collie instead of some kind of mutant hairy aardvark or something.

As you can see, my two ears are both still tipping down even though The Woman felt sorry for me when she picked me up and removed all the moleskin and stuff from my sweaty ears. This state of tippedness was, as you all know, short lived and as a result I now have one ear Up and one ear Down. This ensures that the closest I will ever get to Westminster is as a drive-by.

Now here I am in October, during my first time ever in The Leaves. This was a great day for me because I chased and killed fifty thousand leaves and then passed out. But so anyways, this is the point at which I definitely started to look like a genuine Perfect Collie.

So here is Perfect Me on my birthday this year, enjoying Mr. Carrot and Mr. Pepper.

As you can see, I am a Perfect Collie now.

Well the rest is history and now I am Perfect Me. It was a good trip from there to here folks, let me tell you. Because even though I complain and bite my foot and everything, life is pretty good here at the Nuthouse, little $nack notwithstanding.

So.......Doogs With Blogs....it's your turn everybody. Show us Then and Now.

If you are reading this, You are tagged!

Don't Mess With The Halloween Collie Ghoul

2007-10-02T10:17:00.001-04:00

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!

Mwwwwwwwwwwwwwahahahaaaaaaaaa!

Did I scare ya!!!!?

This is my Halloween logo. Don't be messing with a blinking-red-eyed Perfect Collie let me tell you!

I mean am I ghoulish or what?

I mean am I dangerous or what!!!? A regular Wolf Dog I am!!!

Are you like shaking in your paws???

Ladies and Gentlemen! Meet the Money Pit!

2007-09-24T21:36:00.000-04:00

That's what The Woman calls her.

My kitten $nack.

Looks innocent doesn't she? Her name used to be Snack but that has changed significantly since The Woman found her sitting in front of the door when she came home on that fateful night.

Next thing you know, I had another cat on my case! I'm telling you I am surrounded by these creatures! They run my life! I mean, I have a hairball folks!

Let me tell you, thi$ kitten ha$ cost u$ a bundle. She's a true Money Pit kit. See how innocent she is? Warms your heart doesn't it? Well fine, then let me tell you how expensive she really is.

First she got a respiratory thing and that meant a trip to the vet.

Then Mojo got his eye scratched out and he went to the vet.

Then the meds didn't work on $nack so she had another trip to the vet.

Then she got cured and Mojo caught it. So he went to the vet.

Then Mojo got cured and $nack got it again, so she had to have more meds.

Then Roni got his eye scratched out, but he didn't go to the vet because by that time, The Woman had the "Kitten scratched my eye out" meds from Mojo's injury.

Then $nack got cured of the respiratory thing again and then Roni got it. Are you following me folks?

I mean is this kitten a Money Pit or what?? Anyhow, by the time Roni got the respiratory thing, The Woman just called the vet and told him to prescribe the meds because if she had to make one more trip to the vet she was going to bring an automatic weapon! Then The Woman paid big bucks to have the little $nack spayed. By then, The Woman was figuring that one more vet visit and she was going to have to go work the other side of the street, whatever that means.

Do you have any idea how many things The Woman could have bought for Perfect Me with all the bucks she spent on $nack? I mean I'm lucky I even got a coupla neck bones since she showed up! Besides that, she wouldn't even let me eat them in peace. Had her face right there, busting my potatoes the whole time. I moved with my neck bone. She followed. I moved it again. She followed. Finally, the woman at least had some mercy on me and let me eat it outside. Even then she was carrying on, talking to me thru the porch screens.

So now that $nack is settled in and all secure she is the same pain in the butt as my other cats.

You think she's grateful? No!

I share my toys with her and she dumps them in my water dish.

I lick her face and she whacks me! She follows me around like some kind of gremlin! I mean I found one of my prize Duckies in my water dish! How fair is that!! I try to get Mojo and Roni to help out but they just sit Way Up High and laugh. It's like, yeah Tosca, she's allllllll yours, girl! Another coupla ingrates!

So I whine and the Woman doesn't believe me because this kit does Innocent like you never saw in your entire life, gang! I mean I am saving her black and white life every day, let me tell you. She will climb and get stuck in anything! So who's there to pull her out??? Me! Does she say thanks? No! So I tell her, $nack, you're a pain in my butt and you know what she said to me? Are you ready to hear what this little ingrate said to me? She said,

Tosca, you can just kiss my spots!

I mean what's that all about, huh? How fair is that? I mean I'm biting my foot here! I try to let The Woman know these things but she just coos and kisses that little biscuit and tells her what a good kitty she is. Let me tell you, this kit is a clever one. She's sooooooooo polite! She never breaks anything! She comes when The Woman calls her and she snuggles like a pro! I outta know, she's always on top of me! But I gotta tell you folks, $nack ain't all she's cracked up to be when the Woman isn't looking!

When The Woman is looking $nack is this.

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But when The Woman is not looking, here's $nack.

So here I am, with another cat to my name, stuck kit sitting and everything. I mean she's family now so I gotta protect her from her own stupid self right?

You know the amazing this about this? The amazing thing is, I go to cool cat blogs and I ask how I can get to be some blog cat's buddy, and nobody answers me! Me, the dog surrounded by cats and I can't get one of those Not Of My Species Friend things from one blogging cat!!? Is this a conspiracy or what???

I bet $nack told them all to ignore me or something.

I gotta go hack up a hairball now, doogs.

2nd Annual Tosca Fur Drive in Honor of Fufu

2007-09-16T20:46:00.000-04:00

Well you might all remember that last year I had a fur drive for the late and most wonderful hamsterrier, Fufu. Fufu was very thrilled about this, because there just aren't too many things that make great hamster nests like Collie fur let me tell you. Next thing I knew, the whole thing turned into a fur drive from Dogs With Blogs all over the world. Fufu was inundated with nesting material, let me tell you!

See, I blow my coat twice a year, just like all coat blowing doggies. That's my job every Spring and every Fall. And I do my job perfectly well, let me tell you. So in honor of the late honorary dog, Fufu, I am conducting the drive once more. Well ok, make that Semi Annual, because I blow my coat twice a year, or whatever. I mean, I don't have to really be accurate here right? I'm a dog.

But so anyways, I present to you Part One of my Take. As you can see, I have a really great yield of undercoat this fall. I mean, this is only the first run, folks. I have odd wads of undercoat fur hanging off my Perfect Body daily, let me tell you.

The Woman gets a particular thrill from pulling on the blow. Who knows what makes these humans tick, if you figure it out, let me know. Mojo laughs when she does it. Well, he doesn't really laugh so much as hang off in the corner and snicker. There is just no end to the suffering and humiliation I must incur at the paws of these cats.

Anyways, I am saving my blow regularly so you can all see my progress. Fortunately, I don't go nekked when I blow. I mean a Perfect Collie's gotta keep her dignity right? Here's a closeup shot of my blow, complete with pieces of paper and some cellophane stuck on it. I have no idea where these items came from. Anybody can see that cellophane and pieces of paper in a Perfect Collies such as myownself's blow is obviously a setup. Well ok ok, I did crab that gum wrapper and then there was the paper towel roll...

In keeping with my promise to Fufu, I am bequeathing this Fall's blow to the lovely and terribly clever GirlGirl. I mean who better deserves to inherit my fur than GirlGirl, right?

But Ron, there's more!!! If you order your blow coat right now, you also get ...oh nevermind. I was up late watching some informercial and got all confused. I can do that anyways. I'm a dog.

Anyways, let's face it, it's that time of year when all us doggie Coat Blowers are doing our thing all over the doggie world, so there is a lot of fur flying around out there, let me tell you, right doogs??? I mean, humans all over the place are hacking up hair balls, picking fur out of their coffee and stew and things, and picking up tumbling tumbleweeds off the stairs right now even as we speak.

Humans all over the world are all flustered because there's hair Here.

And there's hair There.

And There.

And There.

And no sooner do those pathetic humans pick up our fur from Here, then there's more fur There again! It's the natural course of things, really, not to mention a lot of fun to watch: It's that time of year when us dogs who blow our coats can test the mental stability and labor capacity of the cranky humans we live with. I personally call it the Wit's End Process. Seems appropriate, right? I myself derive a great deal of pleasure out of this.

So...without further ado, GirlGirl, this blow's for you, girl! I call upon all my fellow Coat Blowing Dogs With Blogs to join me in this valuable Fur Drive to provide GirlGirl with the very best in nesting material for many months to come!

Dogs with blogs: Give us your Blow!

A Loving Gift From Dogsayeview Gomer And Opie

2007-09-12T14:15:00.000-04:00

Oh my Dog! I feel so loved!

I just can't believe how loving Dogs With Blogs are. I mean all the loving messages I got over the loss of my cat Binaca were touching enough, but wait till you see what Gomey and Oper sent me!

We got this beautimous basket in the mail today and everything in it is just what the Vet and Doctor ordered! Mom was all wet-eyed and I was biting my foot.

I mean, here we were still feeling so blue and not wanting to burden anybody about it, and then this basket arrives just in the nick of time. I mean Mom and us all gathered around because we knew the importance of this basket in our lives.

Here's a picture of me examining the basket. Ok well it's not me. Mojo shoved me out. Figures. Well, it's his basket too right? Yeah. Whatever. Anyways, This special basket is just for people and dogs and cats like me and mom and Mojo and Roni and $nack, who are grieving over the loss of a loving soul such as Binaca.

Here's a picture of me examining the contents. Well ok, I tried, so it's really a picture of $nack, the little pest.

Look at all the cool stuff in this basket will ya: There's a special book on Grieving and a Comfort Booklet. And a special box to store memories of Binaca in, like for example the lock of hair mom took from her, and her paw print.

And that's not all. No sir. Gomer and Opey and their Mom Trish went all out. It's got a special box with Anger Putty in it! And special stationary and a pen to write a litter to Binaca with! And a special little photo book to put her pictures in. There's even a pack of tissues with paw prints on them. I mean is this a basket of love or what? And that's not all. There's a special mineral bath for The Woman called "Bedtime Sleepy Therapy" and some herbal tea bags.

And finally just for me, there's this cool little beanbag bear to hug and snuggle with.

Here's $nack trying to run off with my snuggle bear, just before Mom smacked her, the little rug rat.

Finally, I actually did get a private showing with the contents of our basket right after Mom locked Mojo and $nack out of the room. Roni is not in these pictures because he saw the opportunity while we were all occupied to empty the food bowl.

Gomey and Oper and Auntie Trish, I can't tell you how comforting this special basket is. I mean all the Dogs With Blogs will surely have to say that this is love and caring at its finest is it not?

Thank you so much for being the loving lady and doogs you are. Your love brings tears to our eyes.

Gorgeous Riot, Perfect Me and a Super Artist

2007-09-08T21:59:00.000-04:00

Well let me tell you, there's this artist over at the Chaz place named Lauren who can draw like there's no tomorrow! And once in awhile she gets what you call "inspired". So guess who inspired her? Well guess who?

You see, there is this totally handsome doog named Riot and he is like to die for ladies. He's a Belgian Tervuren and one totally handsome guy let me tell you. But so anyways, one day Riot posted a photo of himself with a strand of flowers and he said the flowers were just for me.

Here's the picture Riot posted just for Perfect me. I mean is he the limit or what? Hands off DWB girls!! I mean me and Riot are an item. I mean let me tell you Riot posted this picture with the title "For Tosca. My Love!" No kidding!!! I'm biting my foot here! I mean being a Perfect Collie sure has its great moments let me tell you.

Riot's real name is Ravenmasque Summer Riot CGN TT RN-CL. He's a show Terv! I mean he's Perfect! He's a Perfect Terv! He already has 8 points and just needs 2 more to be a Canadian Champion. I mean this dog is cool. You also may have noticed that he, unlike me, has letters after his name. Now I was supposed to get letters after my name this summer. I mean the Woman promised me I would get my CGC this summer but did she do it? No! How fair is that? I mean I deserve letters too! But do I get them? No! And....um...ok ok I'm festering again. Wait a sec, let me get a grip on myself....

Ok. Now back to Riot and me and the Inspiration. Well not only did I swoon when I saw this perfect picture of Riot offering flowers to Perfect me, but it set off our Artist. Next thing I know, she starts drawing me and Riot and the flowers. I mean this isn't one of those digital artists, she does it all by hand, so you can imagine how long it takes to color in a Perfect Terv and a Perfect Collie together! Mistakes are not allowed! I mean, that's a boatload of fur coloring, right?

Our artist colored in Riot a little at a time and posted new pictures of her progress. By about the third picture, I was like biting my foot off at the knuckle, I was so excited.

Next thing I know, she posts the final drawing of me and Riot - are you doogs ready? Here it is. Now I ask you doogs and doogettes, is this a hot drawing or what?

*Photo of Ravenmasque Summer Riot CGN TT RN-CL and above original drawing have been posted with permission. All rights reserved by respective owners.

I have not abandoned you.

2007-09-05T23:03:00.000-04:00

I'm biting my foot here. I want to apologize for not visiting your sites or being my regular Perfect Ebullient Self. It's just that Binaca is very sick again and Mom is worrying and I am worrying and we fear we are going to lose her soon. So The Woman can't focus and I am being really nervous because I am not stupid. I know Binaca is not doing so good.

Like Mom says, You Can't Keep Em Forever. But you sure do try. So Mom and me and Mojo and everybody are focusing on helping Binaca right now and it is a sad time.

So I will be back soon as me and Mom are able to think again, ok?

A Chicken in Every Bowl Doggoneit!

2007-08-31T20:39:00.000-04:00

My fellow Dogs, Cats, hamsters and other interested species,

Let's face it, aren't you sick of hearing how our country is going to the dogs?

I mean, if this country would go to the dogs, things would be a lot better don't you think? I mean, look what a shambles humans are making of everything.

And so my fellow species, today I am announcing my run for the Presidency. That's right, I'm throwing my Perfect Self's paw into the ring.

I will be working on my Perfect Platform as time goes on since it's like fourteen thousand days too early to be announcing a run, but that doesn't stop all those other candidates from doing it, right?

I can tell you this, I am not food aggressive, animal aggressive or human aggressive so I won't be blowing up any countries. So already I am an improvement over what we've got right? Besides, I can pronounce Nuclear!

So count me In!

A Present From Uncle Joe and Deacon and Essex!

2007-08-30T13:52:00.000-04:00

Whoot! Let me tell you, it's about time I got a present!

I mean, I haven't got a present since I was small enough to hang out in The Woman's lap and my only blog friends Opy and Gomer sent me some cool things. So this is my first present in like fourteen thousand years.

I am beside myself, let me tell you! I mean I am so beside myself there are two of me! I got the coolest present from Uncle Joe and Deacon and Essex! But you wouldn't believe how hard I had to work to get to it!

First the woman said Look Tosca! A present for you! I got really excited.

But did I get my present? No. First, the woman hauled out the camera, which as you all know, is nearly always an excercise in futility. So she checks out the camera while I am like beside myself waiting to get to my present. So she puts the present on the table and says Look Tosca! You have a present from Uncle Joe and the Keywest Collies!

So I go to examine the box. Well not exactly. I got there too late. As you can see, this isn't Perfect Me.

It's the Fershtunkin' Grey Ghost!! Obviously he is feeling MUCH better! And he's almost back to being the fershtunkin' pest he is meant to be!

I look at The Woman and I whine.

So now The Woman says, Mojo that is not your box! Get down.

So Mojo gets down, right? Wrong.

By now I am biting my foot. Do you see? Do you see what I got through here!!!? The Grey Ghost took my present!

So finally, The Woman uncerimoniously dumps Mojo onto the floor. Then she says, Be Kind To Mojo, Tosca. He's been sick you know.

Ok ok, the pest is finally gone so I finally get to get my paws on my own present and I am so excited by now I am practically peeing, let me tell you! It has my NAME on it!!! My own Perfect Name! I'm like Whoa!!!

My present is personalized! That means a fershtunkin cat shouldn't be crawling all over it right? I mean you can clearly see the pain and suffering I go through in this nuthouse. I mean, even things that are personalized with my own Perfect Name on them are not sacred. I mean how fair is that??
.

So then The Woman says, Look Tosca, Essex and Deacon sent their picture and a note with it! So I say well hey I wanna take a picture with Essex and Deacon's picture right here with me so everybody can see that my Perfect Cousins sent this present.

So Mom says, Sure Tosca we can do that! So she gets the camera ready to take the picture of Perfect Me and Essex and Deacon's picture and......

Well let me tell you by now I am really doing some heavy duty moaning, so The Woman carted Mojo off the the back porch and unfolded my Perfect Personalized Blankey! I mean this Blankey is so cool I couldn't wait to get my paws on it and open it up.

Tell me, how cool is this blankey?

Tosca's Own Personal Personalized Blankey! Thank you Uncle Joe and Deacon and Essex! You guys are the bomb!

If It Ain't One Thing, It's Another

2007-08-29T08:00:00.001-04:00

As Roseann Rosannadanna Dog would say, If it ain't one thing, it's another.

I don't want you doogs, cats, hamsters and aardvarks to think I am slacking off because I'm not.

It's just that my cat family has been testing The Woman's wallet and heart. Mom says she might have to go work the other side of the street to pay the bills if this keeps up and I don't even know what that means. I never go on the other side of the street without a leash, much less do I work there. Come to think of it, I don't work at all. Being a dog is cool.

But so anyways, from now on I am going to refer to Snack as $nack because the cat is costing us a bundle. I was thinking about how may biscuits it all adds up to and it's big, let me tell you. The Woman swears she has sent some vet's kid through college in the past decade anyways.

But the worst part is watching her worry. That's my job. I watch her really close even if she is a Nutball because...well...dang it...she's MY Nutball!

A couple of weeks ago, just when The Woman got over the fear that she might have just when the woman got over the fear that she might have to put the Miraculous Binaca to sleep, $nack ended up with some respiratory thing going on like stray kits sometimes do, so Mom had to cure that. Then, my personal cat Mojo got his eye injured by $nack and she had to cure that. Then my personal cat Mojo got $nack's respiratory thing. So she had to cure that. Everything seemed ok again. Then all this week, Mojo started acting sad and walking slow and not being the big chooch that he is.

He didn't pick on Binaca and make her hiss and scream at all.

He didn't stick his fat face in my food bowl while I ate.

He didn't sit on his ledge in the screened porch out back to watch me play outside.

He didn't harrass me when I was eating my raw meaty bones.

I tried to box with him like we always do, and he just let me smack him.

The Woman and me both got worried about Mojo, and of course her mind was racing fourteen thousand miles a minute, thinking of all the worst case scenarios our people usually think of because they love us. I had just gotten her over the trauma of thinking The Miraculous Binaca was going to have to go to the bridge, and then this happened.

The Woman is a real mess because she worries. She really loves The Mojo almost as much as I do. For me, the past week has been rough because I had to play with $nack, also sometimes referred to as Typhoid Mary, instead playing with my personal cat Mojo and, not that $nack isn't cool, but I miss playing with my big lug Mojo.

So this morning, $nack went to the vet to play $pade$ and Mom is bringing Mojo in for a checkup in about an hour or so. So I didn't want all you doods and doodettes to think I abandoned you. It's just that sometimes a dog's work gets kind of intense.

Anyways, mom is a little less worried about Mojo now because he has started to sneeze and stuff so she figures he's probably got what he got from $nack again and needs some heavy duty cure this time.

I'll keep you posted with an Update.

In the meantime, if any of you want to get rid of some excess money, I am willing to ship $nack.

UPDATE
Ok but so here's an update. Dr. Mark noticed that Mojo's trachea was very sore and he was just beginning to have some eye running as of last night, so it's pretty safe to say it's respiratory. The vet decided to do what he did for $nack and he gave Mojo some medication up his nose. Up yer nose, Mojo, Bahahahaha! Then he gave him a steroid shot to relieve the throat pain. I expect to see Mojo lifting weights by tomorrow like all those athletes that take that stuff do. Dr. Mark is very cool.

I can tell Mojo is already feeling better. He just ate a couple hundred pounds of food and let me whack him repeatedly. He lost three quarters of a pound this week but considering he weighed 17** pounds that's no big deal. I feel much better about all of this and I am hoping to get my personal cat Mojo back the way he was where he makes me freeze when he puts his two paws on the side of my face and reminds me that he possesses the Five Razors. Mojo has never left a mark on my own personal self. He's my personal cat, after all.

**Key West Collies says Mojo is the size of Rhode Island

Laugh Day And A Mass Tagathon!

2007-08-24T10:51:00.001-04:00

Ok I am declaring today Laugh Day! Sometimes we DWBs just need to laugh. Check out my side bar for Live Action of me laughing. Whatchu think??

But so anyways, I am going to start by talking about how a Collie changes a light bulb. You have all seen that joke about how many dogs it takes to change a lightbulb right? The joke discusses various breeds and how they would change a lightbulb based on their personality characteristics. Well, some fool left out Collies on just about every version of this joke I have ever seen. I cannot for the life of Perfect Me understand what kind of Dodo would do that, because it is abundantly clear to anyone with a brain that Collies are Perfect. So anyways, here is my answer to how a Collie would change a light bulb if we were ever imposed upon to perform such a menial task:

Collie: First I will chase the light bulb, nip at it, and round it up and put it where it is supposed to be, in a circle with the other lightbulbs of like and kind. Then I will bark at it incessently if it so much as moves a filament. Then I will continue to bark until the bulb either shatters from the noise or jumps into the socket all by itself out of a
desperate desire just to shut me up.
.
Ok dogs. Now it's your turn to post how your breed would change a lightbulb. Get on it! I tag everybody! Mwaahahahaha! Snort! Snort!

Ok onto the next funny thing that reminds us all how people with no brains shouldn't be allowed to get anywhere near dogs. Here is an an actual ad that appeared on Craig's List. The next time you think your human isn't too bright, remind yourself the he or she is an absolute genious next to this Darwin Award candidate:

Title:6 pupeydoge's for
adapition

Ad:
we have 6 bull massive austrailian shepard and german shepard pup's up for adapition fee
is 50dollars to ensure good home veary cute ready to go this friday call wendy --- --- ---- come by pic one out and take home a new edation of the famley

Kind of puts what we are all stuck living with into perspective eh? Hey Wendy. Let me give you some advice. Don't start a blog.

Ok in keeping with making you laugh, here's the Top 20 Reasons Why Most Dogs Don't Use Computers:

Top 20 reasons dogs don't use computers

20. Can't stick their heads out of Windows XP.
19. Fetch command not available on all platforms.
18. Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side.
17. Too difficult to "mark" every website they visit.
16. Can't help attacking the screen when they hear "You've Got Mail."
15. Fire hydrant icon is very frustrating.
14. Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they're browsing www . pethouse.com instead of working.
13. Keep bruising noses trying to catch that MPEG Frisbee.
12. Not at all fooled by Chuckwagon Screen Saver.
11. Still trying to come up with an "emoticon" that signifies tail-wagging. 10. Oh, but they WILL... with the introduction of the Microsoft Opposable Thumb.
9. Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome.
8. 'Cause dogs ain't GEEKS! Now, cats, on the other hand...
7. Barking in next cube keeps activating YOUR voice recognition software. 6. SmellU-SmellMe still in beta test.
5. SIT and STAY were hard enough, GREP and AWK are out of the question!
4. Saliva-coated mouse gets mighty difficult to maneuver.
3. Annoyed by lack of newsgroup, alt.pictures.master's.leg.
2. Butt-sniffing more direct and less deceiving than online chat rooms.

and the Number 1 Reason Dogs Do Not Use Computers...
1. TrO{gO DsA[M,bN HyAqR4tDc TgrOo TgYPmE WeIjTyH P;AzWqS,.*

....and Finally......

Dogs' Letters to God

Dear God,
How come people love to smell flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another? What are they thinking?

Dear God,
When we get to Heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?

Dear God,
Excuse me, but why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not one named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride! I know every breed cannot have its own model, but it would be easy to rename the Chrysler Eagle the Chrysler Beagle!

Dear God,
If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God,
Is it true that in Heaven, dining room tables have onramps?

Dear God,
More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God,
When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?

Dear God,
We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent IDs, electromagnetic energyfields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God,
Are there dogs on other planets, or are we alone? I have been howling at the moon and stars for a long time, but all I ever hear back is the beagle across the street.

Dear God,
Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God,
When my family eats dinner they always bless their food. But they never bless mine. So, I've been wagging my tail extra fast when they fill my bowl. Have you noticed my own blessing?

Dear God,
I've always lived at the shelter and I have everything I need. But many of the dogs here have names and I don't. Could you give me a name please? It would be good for my self-esteem.

Dear God,
The new terrier I live with just peed on the Oriental rug and I have a feeling my family might blame me 'cuz they think I'm jealous of this stupid dog. Since they have no sense of smell, how can I convince them I'm innocent? Does PetsMart sell lie detectors?

Thank you! Thank you! I will be here all week! Don't forget to tip your waiter! Try the veal!

Dog Labor Laws

2007-08-18T10:12:00.000-04:00

Ok so I was cavorting over at the Chaz board and reading about how some people think all dogs should have a job! So I'm thinking here, that's a lot of baloney. I mean it's not in my contract for starters!

Ok well I do a lot of odds and ends around here. I round up the cats, for starters. I help out with the laundry if the basket is left around. Why just the other day, I air dried a whole bunch of Mom's things by tossing them around in the air and aerating them with tooth marks.

I keep the neighborhood kids busy too. Neighbors send their snot nosed kids over here to get tired. How good is that???? I'm also great at picnics because I watch everybody's kids. Not only do I watch them but I herd them all in to one spot. How good is that, huh? You never hear anybody say with mouthful of potato salad, "Hey where's Junior!" when I'm on duty, let me tell you. Junior is Right Over There in the pile of kids I collected. And far as I'm concerned, Junior is going to stay Right Over There.

In keeping with the obvious, that a Dog's Work is Never Done, I do Squirrel Inventory and Accountability as well, and this is not an easy job since every squirrel in Upstate NY lives on my land folks. It's a full time job! Do I get paid for any of this? No! Once in awhile I might get a piece of crappy hot dog or some crummy biscuit, but no pay. How fair is that? Worse, yet, The Woman actually has a Squirrel Sculpture, right here in my own home, serving as a reminder of the day when I finally get ahold of one of these vile creatures. And when I do I am gonna shake the bejesus out of him, and then I'm gonna......um...oh geeze, I'm festering again. Wait a second, let me get a grip.........

...Okay. Oh geeze, I bit my foot!

Now where was I?

Ok well I may not pull sleds or move sheep around, but all of that would ruin my Perfect Fur you know. Besides, I saw some sheep last year and they smelled funny. You think I'm gonna put in a day's work and smell like that for no pay? No way!

I also warm beds, put my own toys away and am a Certified Snuggler. Furthermore, nothing goes on outside my house that I don't hear. I mean if somebody wants to rob our house, they are going to go completely deaf when I am done barking, and they won't even hear Mom calling the police. Tell me that isn't a valuable job. Do I see anything for it? No!It is also my job to be cute. It is in fact my job to be the cutest thing in the room, and I do this job marvelously. Do I see so much as anything bigger than a piece of dog food roll the size of a dime for this? No!

And as if I am not exploited enough, I put up with cats day in and day out. There is no rest for me when it comes to cats. Each and every day, in exchange for not turning these two cats to the left into Lunch and Dinner, my only reward is a hairball!

I can walk in a parade or prance around Pet Supplies Plus and all the people Oooooooooh and Ahhhhhhh because I know my job! Do I get so much is a scrap piece of bread for this? No!

I have protected my family from horribly dangerous things, like the Hose Monster for example. So what's my reward for that huh? Nada!

Dog Labor laws. We must acquire them now, fellow doogs! So I been thinking of a coupla things and I got some imput from some other cool dogs like Orson. And here are some rules I think must be implemented ASAP:

Kibble is not to be used as a treat or a reward. Any dog who was raised on NILIF (Nothing In Life Is Free) knows about this nauseatingly unfair condition whereby you never get anything without doing some trick first. Like for example, when the Woman puts my dinner dish down and then tells me to Leave It while I sit there and drop embarrassing drool all over myself. This is wrong! Kibble should be served at meals with no strings attached. Kibble is nothing more than sustenance. Do you say to your kids Be a Good Boy and Later I Will Give you a Nice Salad? No! So then don't give us that Here's Some Kibble for Your Efforts crap.

Kibble should not be placed in a Kong toy or any other trick toy. It's a meal folks! We already work for our meals every single day putting up with your Tosca Come Here. Tosca Go There. Tosca Do This. Tosca Do That. Tosca Wash the Car. And after all of that, when we drag our weak, overworked bodies to our food bowl, we should not have to work for our kibble too.

Treats should be something we want the most. Rewards should be MORE of something we want the most. For example, a good treat is a nice piece of raw hot dog. A reward should be at least half a hot dog, dependent on much crap we have to do to get it.

General Guidelines for Treats and Rewards:

--Tosca Heel! - 1/8 of a raw hot dog every 100 feet.

--Tosca Stay! - 1/8 of a raw hot dog for every two minutes we have to sit or lie there like an idiot. An additional half a hot dog if there are distractions like a kid running or a squirrel thumbing it's nose at us from a tree.

--Tosca Come! - 1/8 of a hot dog. An additional 1/8 if we don't jump on our people and knock them on their butts after sitting in a Stay position for eternity. A half a hot dog should be immediately distributed if we take off and you call us and we come.

--Putting Up With Neighborhood Kids Who Stick Their Lollipops On Your Perfect Fur - 1/8 of a raw hot dog for three minutes per kid.

There should also be Rewards for Not Doing What We Could Do That You Don't Want Us to Do. Like for example, you should be one entire raw hot dog for not removing the stuffing from the new living room couch. Skipping a day gives us the right to rip that thing to shreds! Ok, well, maybe just one cushion as a gentle reminder, right?

Fellow Doogs, we must unite! We simply cannot let this exploitation occur any longer. Therefore I am calling upon you to comment and add more rules to this list. I will do a final compilation for us and we will force these exploitive humans to give us the raw hot dogs...um...I mean, the respect we deserve!

Are ya with me!!!????

Scary Week and Confused Collie

2007-08-12T18:14:00.000-04:00

Well let me tell you, it was a scary week around here.

First, The Woman got all sad and seemed all worried and I was trying to make her feel better but she just didn't get any less sadder. She spent most of a couple of days upstairs and I kinda figured it had to to with her late Mom's cat Bianca, who we actually call Binaca around here. Anyways, when The Woman's mom died, Binaca came to live here, and she pretty much stays upstairs ever since I came because she is old and doesn't really want to be bothered with a big ole Collie, no matter how perfect. This is ok with me and I give her her privacy all the time. I mean you gotta respect the elderly right?

But so anyways, I got a really bad feeling that Binaca was very sick and I caught the Woman saying to people how she wasn't eating at all and that she was afraid it was her kidneys from being old and she was going to have to send Binaca to the bridge. Things got pretty solemn here let me tell you and I was crying a lot in the night because even though I am just a dog, I am not stupid and I knew things were bad for poor Binaca. Mom was really really sad so I tried to be there for her when she wanted and to stay out of the way the rest of the time. I was a good dog, you can ask her, she kept saying Tosca you are such a good dog. I mean I wasn't getting any long walks and I was even looking a little gnarly, but I still was a good dog. I even kept the kitten busy, the little Snack. I don't care what names they come up with for that kitten, she will always be Little Snack to me!

Anyways, yesterday morning, the Woman got up REAL early and she let me out and I was good and didn't bark and she stayed upstairs and snuggled with Binaca. I kind of got the feeling that Binaca was going to be going to the bridge pretty soon. Then Mom came downstairs with Binaca in the carrier and gave me my breakfast. Then she left all teary-eyed. Well I couldn't eat because I was so sad. I mean this is family right?

Anyways, here's the story. Mom brought Binaca to the vet and instead of sending her to the bridge, the vet wanted to run a couple of tests and mom had to go back at 11 AM for The Verdict. So mom came home. But when she got home, she found that my brother Mojo's right eye was a slit and all runny. He had been injured. Mom knew I wouldn't ever hurt Mojo, if anything Mojo would make MY eye a slit, so she figured Mojo just got into a play situation with the Little Snack and now his eye was hurt. So Mom called the vet and asked if she could bring Mojo in when she went back at 11. There was only one problem. Mom had given away her second carrier to a poor person. She felt sorry for the lady who had a cat and couldn't afford a carrier so she gave her one. Mom was mumbling something about how no good deed ever goes unpunished.

So now, Mom had no carrier for Mojo. At least not one he could fit in. See, Mojo is the size of a three room apartment, if you get my drift. This is not a small cat. So anyways, Mom got out a little mesh bag she uses to carry kittens the size of Little Snack. Then Mojo thought Mom was playing, and being a good sport, he got in. He could lie down but that was about it. Then Mom zipped him and then she took HIM out of the house too! By this time, I am really whining because now two of my cats are gone! I mean Mojo is my best friend! I was biting my foot! I mean what was the woman doing, getting rid of us all or something????

But anyways, as I heard it told, poor Mojo must of thought she had gotten rid of Binaca and now it was his turn so he hyperventilated the whole time all the way to the vet. He was a mess. So there I was home with Roni and the Little Snack and we were all worried. Well not Little Snack. Little Snack just wanted to play and neither me or my cat Roni wanted to play, that's for sure. So we just sat there all worried while the clock ticked and we waited for our turn or something!!

Anyways, next thing I know Mom comes home with both Mojo AND Binaca! Boy was I glad to see them. She was very happy and the way she put it, Binaca's blood work was perfect. The old girl was going to see some more good days, but her back legs were bothering her which made her not want to eat. So the vet gave her some shots and she was moving a lot better and stuff and the vet said she would eat now and she did.

Mojo on the other paw, looked like a One-Eyed Tom Cat. He had definitely got hurt but he didn't have a patch over his eye like a pirate or anything. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!! So he's getting drops in his eye and it's getting better already.

Anyways, when mom brought the two cats back home, she noticed I hadn't eaten a bite of my breakfast. I mean I was soooooooo worried, I couldn't eat. She got all teary-eyed and hugged me and said Oh Tosca, you are such a loving dog. You couldn't eat because you were worried, weren't you girl? Well Doh! Of course! Anyways, she cooed me and brought me to my dish and said Tosca You Can Eat Now, Everything Is Fine! So I gobbled up my food right there and then she gave me a nice raw meaty rib bone and I got to go outside for a couple of hours and play jungle dog and chase squirrels and things, and she even came out and played frisbee with me just like old times. Then when I came in, I noticed Mom was zonked out so I took a nap with her and stayed real close and watched her.

But so that's why you guys haven't heard from me till now. But everything is ok now and I did my Perfect Collie job right?

Ok and here's a shot of Binaca this morning. She's 18 and says Hi and she's sorry she held up my blog for awhile. She promises to do better from now on.

Me? I'm gonna take advantage of the fact that the Woman feels guilty for not paying attention to me. I mean, I ain't no fool.

A Perfect Sonnet In My Mailbag

2007-08-06T21:03:00.000-04:00

You see this totally handsome GSD devil? His name is Charlie and he's a Chazhounder. How handsome is he huh?

Well let me tell you, Charlie wrote me a poem just for Perfect Me! And not just any poem. No sir. A Sonnet! A sonnet for Perfect Me. Like Ode To Perfect Tosca or something.

Now what girl dog wouldn't be a sucker for a sonnet written just for her? I tell you I'm biting my foot here! I mean is this boy hot or what?

Girls, Girls, step aside!

Well but so anyways, here is Charlie's Perfect Sonnet to Perfect Me. It also had a beating heart on it but I am not bright enough to get it to work on Blogger:

My Dearest Perfect Tosca:

How do I love thee?

Let me count the ways

I love thee with the breath of fresh kibble and to the heights I can jump a fence.

I love thee to the level of the highest frisbee and to the depths of the biggest hole I’ve dug.

I love the with a passion beyond any bark.

I love thee freely, as I run

Begging whimpers of all my life - and if your mom chooses

I shall but love thee better when we meet

-Charlie

Dear Charlie,

Thank you for your lovely sonnet. I really can't say I blame you for loving Perfect Me. I mean, you can't help it right? I would love to meet you, Charlie, but first please fax me your bank acount statements and then we can talk.

Love Perfect Tosca
(You can call me Perfect for short)

A Message From Spring Farm Cares To My Perfect Sponsors

2007-08-01T14:17:00.001-04:00

Woot! I'm so happy and proud of my Blogathon 2007 sponsors!!!!I got this perfect Pee Mail from Spring Farm Cares Animal Sanctuary so I am posting it here for all my Perfect Sponsors to read because you all deserve to know just how much your donations are appreciated. I mean whoda thunk that a big furry Collie could raise $590 from other four-legged friends, especially considering none of us is employed? I mean how cool is that? But so anyways, here is the Perfect Email:

Dear Perfect Tosca and friends,

When we here at Spring Farm CARES found out that you had chosen us to be sponsored for the Blogathon, we were so touched at your generosity. We think that you and your friends who sponsored you must be very special beings indeed. Your care and generosity have helped the humans of Spring Farm CARES to continue to help and provide care to many animals in need. I made sure that I told all of our animals here at the farm about you and your efforts. They were all thumping and squealing and purring and whinnying your praises. I hope you heard them all. Mostly though, they asked me to tell you and all your friends who helped, that all you did for them was tremendously appreciated.

The money you raised will help care for the 250 animals in our sanctuary. But not only that, it also helps towards our spay/neuter program. I know that you may not find that exciting, but we hear about and unfortunately have to say no to over 60 cats and 20 dogs per week that are looking for homes. We have no room to take them in here either as we are always full. It is very sad. But the money also will go to help our Education Program. We have humans and some of our animals that go into the schools and help teach children about proper care of animals. And many of the children, by the busloads, come here to the farm each year and our animals get to work with all of them and touch their hearts in a special way. We also have a Network Partners for Animals Program which networks with all the animal care organizations in NYS to share our resources. This is also working to save many animals lives. And lastly, we also have a very special nature sanctuary, where we help preserve the wildlife, plants and trees, many endangered species, and give them a place to be in peace and harmony.

So as you can see, your hard work really went a long way to help us. When we found out how much you got in pledges for the Blogathon, cheers rang out from the humans and animals of the farm. Three cheers for Perfect Tosca and her friends. We thank you from our hearts. You are a very special dog with
very special friends.

Dawn Hayman
Co-founder
Spring Farm
CARES

Our Profound Love and The Devastating Loss of Our Oscar

2007-07-29T11:01:00.000-04:00

It's always a tragedy and a sinking feeling when we lose a Heart Dog.
.

We miss them.

We weep for them.

We carry on with a heavy heart.

But once in awhile a dog comes along that fills everyone with joy. The loss of such a dog goes beyond sad into surreal. That kind of loss leaves a huge hole in our hearts where once that fellow was. That is how I feel about the sudden and unexpected loss of DWB's Oscar The Airedale.

Dogs With Blogs is a very strong and loving community of dogs and the people who love them. We blog our hearts out. Or more accurately, our dogs blog their paws off. Some of us are leaders. They set the pace, they set the mood, they have their awesome blogs. They stand out amongst us and we go to their blogs for encouragement.
Such was our Oscar.

I don't mind telling you that I went to Oscar's blog first on plenty of days. His cute face, his antics and his philosophy of life was sometimes exactly what a dog needed. A joyous boy, that Oscar was.

I will never be the same without Oscar. Oscar was a shining light, a dood to admire. My Woman adored him too. She would say,

"Tosca, look at Oscar!"

"Look how handsome and clever he is!"

And although I made believe I was biting my foot when The Woman swooned over Oscar, the truth is, I agreed. I loved Oscar. How could you not love Oscar?

And now, Our Oscar is gone. Gone in a flash, the shock resounding throughout DWBs. Go look at Oscar's site and see how many comments have been left about the shock of his loss. This dog and his Mom were our rocks, our friends, our family.

It just won't be the same, Oscar. We have learned from you in death the way we learned from you in life, Oscar. And that is why I am going to go snuggle with The Woman right now -- and tell her how much I love life and I love her. I'm going to enjoy and love every blade of grass, every raw meaty bone, every smile, every hug, every run, every frisbee, every bark. Just the way you did, Oscar.

Thank you for being in our lives, Dear Oscar, even for far too short a time. You will never leave our hearts and I know you are hanging out at the bridge looking out for those we loved who went before us, and most of all, I know you are looking out for us.

Your spirit will be with us forever, Dear Oscar. We loved you, we still do, and we always will.

http://oscartheairedale.blogspot.com/

Fly away Oscar, your spirit will always remain within us..

Thank You All My Cheerleaders!

2007-07-29T10:59:00.000-04:00

Woot. You guys had me moving! I appreciate your support and want you to know I plan to do the posts on the remaining sponsors as soon as my fingers heal. I do think the problem was blogger last night. I think it just got sick of me. It kept rejecting the photos with error messages from another planet.

Stay tuned because I WILL finish my job of honoring those of you who TRULY DESERVE TO BE HONORED!

Face licks to all of you! I felt so loved--and so perfect!

Tosca

Ohhhh My Doggggggg!

2007-07-29T07:48:00.000-04:00

In my best Bette Davis Dog, I can only say:
What................... a................... dump!

You can still sponsor me for 48 more hours.

The blogathon ends at 9AM, that would make 24 hours. I was here for 16. Hey! Don't try this at home!

I woke up to more than 60 more messages from my special rally team. You guys were fabulous! My friends! My friends! I would have never done the 16 with you!!!!

Arrrrroooooooooooo!

I'm gonna go play!

P.S. Stanley you pulled it off! You posted on every one of my posts!

..........

2007-07-29T00:30:00.001-04:00

BOO!

Yup Still Here

2007-07-29T00:01:00.000-04:00

...such as I am!

I wonder if this counts

2007-07-28T23:30:00.001-04:00

I mean I am sleeping right here at the keyboard.

Sponsor me before I die.

Happy Hounds, thank you for holding me up. Soon as I wake up again, I will do a post on you like you deserve, my sponsor!!!

Ditto for Butchy and Snickers. You da bestest!

Still Sleepwalking

2007-07-28T23:02:00.001-04:00

Yup. Still sleepwalking.

Still.......zzzz........here

2007-07-28T22:33:00.000-04:00

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Ok I ain't dead yet.

2007-07-28T22:09:00.001-04:00

..barely breathing but here...

Ok I'm Fizzling Here

2007-07-28T21:53:00.000-04:00

Sorry to disappoint. But we have GOT to take a rest. We've done 13 hours of this and I'm Fizzling. You can click on the above button to sponsor me. Look for the Blogger PERFECT TOSCA on the list.

Well I'm not really fizzling. I'm fine. I mean I was outdoors most of the day, had a couple raw meating bones, chased squirrels. You know, the regular stuff.

It's the Woman. She's frazzled. Yeesh, what a lazy thing!

But so anyways, if you see this post, it means I stopped blogging for awhile, but I will be back! I am not done with Kharma for starters. And I still have some sponsors to talk about after I figure out why Blogger won't load the new pictures.

So do me a favor if you visit here. Read all the posts I did today. And please, please consider sponsoring me by clicking the button atop this post and looking for the PERFECT TOSCA box when the sponsor screen comes up. It really is for a good cause. Spring Farm Cares Animal Sanctuary is a Godsend for dogs, cats, horses, llamas, even aarvarks if they needed help. These people know no end to their love and kindness.

Thank you and I shall return. I am not sure what the blogathon people will do to me but I KNOW you can sponsor me right on thru the blogathon and for 48 hours afterwards.

Thank you and ....whoa, the woman is disheveled.

Perfect Tosca and The Woman

Blasted

2007-07-28T21:32:00.000-04:00

The Woman has pretty much had it folks. She needs a break, whatever that means to Blogathon people.

I am trying so hard to post on the rest of my sponsors. Like Keywestcollies, Five happy Hounds, Orson, my brother Dakota, and more, but blogger won't load the photos from the sites! Everything is suddenly being saved as .art files and the woman is too blasted to figure things out. The only photos I can load are jpegs I already had. I don't understand it, it was fine all day, so it's gotta be me or the woman. We are burnt.

We gave it our best shot and we WILL return to finish our thanks to our sponsors, but right now, it's rest time.

We want to thank you people, cats and dogs who have cheered us on and please come back because we will.

In the meantime, anyone can sponsor me up to 48 hours after the blogathon is ended. Maybe I will wake up to a suprise! If not, we love you anyways, you are the BEST! Us and Spring Farm Cares thank you all!

Arrrrrrrrrrrooooooooooo!!!!!

My Sponsors-Keywest Collies, Long Lost Cousins!

2007-07-28T21:06:00.000-04:00

Now over at Key West Collies you will meet Essex and Deacon. These two collies contacted me on day and their email made me flip my floppy ears!

See, they came across my blog one day and gave me a hollar. I talked them into doing a blog too. But who knew? Who knew that when they started checking out pedigrees and looked at mine, they found out we were related in our pedigrees! How cool is THAT?

So Deacon and Essex are my cool Collie cousins! They are also my sponsors!

I wish I could post some photos from their blog keeps saving pics as .art files and I just can't post them to Blogger unless they are Jpeg. So take a look at their blog, because these are two really cool Collie dogs.

Deacon, Essex, can you send me some JPEG photos please? I think I am losing it at this point. Thanks buddies!

My Sponsor Norma and The Wiscats

2007-07-28T20:24:00.000-04:00

Well the Wiscats mom is a good friend of The Woman from Meow Chat. That's right, The Woman has another life that has to do with cats. I don't mind really because as you have already deduced, I am a good dog when it comes to cats, which is a good thing, because The Woman likes to rescue them sometimes and make their lives easier. I mean, I don't mind or anything, but once in awhile the little snacks get on my nerves and then I have to put up with all kinds of crap and hissing and laying on my head and drinking out of my water bowl and busting my potatoes while I'm trying to eat and.....whoa ok sorry, I started to fester there. Wait, give me a second to collect myself......

Ok I'm fine now. Like I said, cats love me. I got a LOT of cat friends, let me tell you. But so anyways, Norma is this cool lady in Wiscatsin, um I mean Wisconsin who is involved with Wisconsin Animal Rescue Federation (ARF). She is a very kind hearted lady and a very smart lady besides. She is a college professor and an accomplished musician. And no kidding, that woman visits France all the time. I mean this is one cool classy lady who makes sure she has the free time to care for the least among us. Her rescue cats all got French names like Henri and Gervais, and Poucette and Sylvie Chantel. Anyways, she's always got a boatload of cats she fosters and and the Wiscats are just very very cool. Sometimes she takes in cats with neurological problems that make them wobble and things. These cats would never have a chance without somebody like Norma. They live a happy life with her and the other Wiscats, even if they do fall down and things for no reason at all. This is one kind hearted lady, let me tell you. And she's got some very super kitties besides.

But so anyways, Norma and the Wiscats sponsored me really quick when they heard I was going to do the Blogathon. How cool is that?

When the Woman saw that Norma and the Wiscats sponsored me, she reminded me of some things.

"One paw washes the other, Tosca" she said.

"Because you are so good to cats, Tosca, the cats are good to you right back!"

So I just want to thank Norma and Thylvie and Poucette and all the Wiscats for helping me to help Spring Farm Cares Animal Sanctuary today.

Stand by

2007-07-28T20:22:00.001-04:00

I'm making coffee for the woman.

I'm Still Here

2007-07-28T20:04:00.001-04:00

...but it doesn't look good...

Please Sponsor Me

2007-07-28T19:32:00.001-04:00

My Sponsor: Aire Stanley, The Republic Of Gooberstan

2007-07-28T19:10:00.000-04:00

Stanley is one of the most loved Dogs With Blogs. He gets presents from everywhere, he is so loved. When you go to The Republic Of Gooberstan to see Stanley, there is always a warm welcome and a warm feeling.

Whenever a Dog With Blog needs help, there's Stanley and his person right there pitching in. That's why everybody, including me, loves Stanley so.

It gets better. In addition to being one wonderful Aire Guy, Stanley is also verrrrrrrrrry cute! Behold, Aire Stanley, of the Republic of Gooberstan. Stanley is my sponsor! How lucky I am to know Stanley! Arrrrrrooooooooo and....

Hubba Hubba!

My Sponsor Julie, Gonzo and The Zilly Boys

2007-07-28T18:34:00.000-04:00

See Gonzo with his baseball gear? Gonzo "Stepped Up To The Plate" for me!!!!!

It's no secret. Cats love moi. They love to lie on me, snuggle with me, sniff me and otherwise harrass and harangue me when I am resting. They stick their noses in my food bowl. They sleep in my crate. Cats just love me, but Gonzo is the one cat I would date if it was kosher to do inter-species dating and stuff, let me tell you.

Gonzo sent me my Christmas Duck last year and you can read about that here . I love my Christmas Duckie, let me tell you. Here is a shot of Perfect Me and Christmas Duck!

Now Gonzo and the Zilly Boys are a real staple in my life. Sometimes cats can be a staple in your butt too, but that's neither here nor there.

This is stumpy, one of the Zilly Boys. He is a very cool Tuxie, for sure!

Over here is Gonzo, Woolie, and Squashy Zilly (front).

The Zillys are all rescued kits because their Mom Julie is, well, she's just plain cool! And the Zilly Boys are VERY cool cats. You look up Cool Cats in the dictionary and you see the Zilly Boys.

The Zillys all live in California. They are very important Meow Chat friends of The Woman too.

Gonzo and the Zilly Boys are my sponsors today too. How cool are they, huh?

Spider Put Me Over $500!

2007-07-28T17:57:00.001-04:00

Arrrroooooooooooooo to Spider!

She put me over the $500 mark! You Spider, if you are the highest donor before the two hours is up, you get a date with me!!! Um....ok we can just be girlfriends and do lunch!

Meet Spider folks, a Chazzer she is! She's a show Rottie! And a cool one at that! Now DWB boys, Down/Stay!!!!

Spider just put me over the $500 mark. You can visit Spider over at http://spiderthegreat.blogspot.com/

Stop over and say hi!

A Message From My Pal Baxter

2007-07-28T17:38:00.000-04:00

Here's a message I just go in my Perfect Mailbox from Baxter. You can write to me too at perfecttosca@yahoo.com. Ask for my Perfect Advice! Ask for a date! Ask to do a guest blog post! Whatever!

"Hey Tosca--I was just wondering how your human isholding up? Has she taken to needing frequent nosepokes to stay alert and blogging away? I know you are the grrrl to do it--I mean, that snout of yours wasMADE for poking humans! I
wish my snout was aslovely--I guess I have snout envy. Anyway...if thepoking doesn't help her, then just chase that littlekitten around a little. I'm sure she would run rightup that human's leg--using her claws!!Ooo--gotta go--time for
dinner! Happyblogging----love, Baxter "
Dear Baxter,
The Woman is fizzling out. She is such a lazy Beaaaaaatch! You would think she would cooperate while I am out in back sunning myself and wading in my pool! The ingrate!
Love, Tosca

My Sponsors: Buddy, Banzai, Bella and Apache

2007-07-28T17:01:00.000-04:00

Chazzers, they are! I mean this is a cool bunch. Nikki and Mit live in Caleeeforeeeaa with this super boat load of dogs and cats. These guys has a blast, let me tell you. They are so spoiled, if you look up Spoiled in the dictionary you see all their faces.

This guy here is Buddy. He's the core of the family. Buddy was a rescue who won the lottery!

This guy here is Banzai. When Banzai and Buddy play together it's kind of hard to tell who is who with all that black and white flying around.

The new girl in town is Bella. She's still a baby. She's what you call a Fila Brasileiro. That means when she grows up, she's gonna be the size of Brooklyn and gorgeous - and woe to you if you decide to rob her house or mess with her family, that's all I can say. She is one cooooool dog!

Over here is the cat Apache. You would think she would be nervous but she's not. She just does whatever she wants whenever she wants, just like my cats.

And here is the newest addition to the family, Adobe. How cool is he?

Just to show everybody that he isn't going to take a back seat, he brought ringworm with him when he was rescued. What a guy!

These dogs and cats and their mommy and their daddy sponsored me in Blogathon. How cool are they, huh?

$490 So Far

2007-07-28T16:19:00.000-04:00

Sponsor Perfect Me

Hi Boys!

Ok this is the half hour where I break well over $500 right? I gotta go get me a doggie sugar daddy!

Here and now, I am auctioning off an internet date with Perfect Me. The biggest donator in the next two hours is gonna be the lucky guy! Heck, I don't even care if it's a girl. Whatever it takes!!!

Just so you remember how totally gorgeous I am, here is a reminder.

Arrrrrroooooooo!

Update on Kitten Names for The Little Snack

2007-07-28T15:49:00.000-04:00

Ok I got some new names added to the list of names for the little snack that I am stuck living with, along with other cats, so that I hack a hairball up a day.

Here's the list. Whatchu guys think???

Dammit
Rerun (cause she looks like RIP Gizmo)
Ozmig (Gizmo's name backwards)
MizMo (See above)
Repeat (see above)
Snark
Me Too
Roach (my personal favorite)
Widget
Nermal
Girlfriend
YouSumb!tch (Another of Mom's favorites, it seems)
Buon Appetite (Orson)
Countess Killmowski (Asta)
Chip or Chips (after the black and white police cars on CHIPS - Keywest Collies)
Mrs. Kravitz - Stanley
Dizzy - Cause she goes in circles, Stanley
Weezie - Stanley
Mini Me-Baxter, Chazzer, cause she looks like GIz, RIP
Twixter, just because--Butchy and Snickers

Guest Post-Kharma, My Friend--I Think...

2007-07-28T15:09:00.000-04:00

Harumph! Here's a guest post from what used to be my friend Kharma. I will answer this assault in an update to this post. Harumph!!

Hey Kharma! Sorry your pictures came out small. We all know you a MUCH bigger and Chunkier than this. Heh.

Dear Tosca,
I suppose it's true, you can take the grrrl out of Jersey, but you can't take Jersey out of the grrrl.

Tosca, luv . . . Really, grrrl, when are you going to do something about that 'do? The big hair is, well, best left back in the '80s along with Motley Crue, the Scorpions and power ballads or confined to the stage of the Country Music Awards.

Besides, if you are, as you keep reminding us, perfect, what is it you have to hide underneath all of that backcombing? Granted, you'll never have a butt as fabulous as mine, or long, shapely legs, or my, er, Endowment, but I'm sure that beneath all of that pouf-n-flouf there's a perfectly nice little bod. And really, the big hair just puts all the attention on your nose instead of your lovely eyes.

And do you really want everyone to be able to tell just from looking at you that you have a hopeless passion for mullets?

I do so hope you'll take this as it's intended - in the purest friendship. After all, friends don't let friends wear big hair.

© Perfect Tosca

Merry Christmas to my dog and cat friends and other species too!

Boy, I sure am a lucky dog!

Today's my birthday!

Let Sleeping Collies Lie

I got an award!

Happy New Year!

Me and The Woman and My Cats Wish You A Merry Christmas!

Tonsa Snow!!

It's that Elfin' time again for me and my cats!!!!

I demand equal time!

I been tagged.

What. A. Ripoff!

Geeze, when's that thing gonna be done?

My Brother Dallas is a Father! Puppies!

Cool Award and Puppy Cam!

Happy Halloweeenie

Think anybody will recognize me?

Two Comatosed Kitties and One Collie Asking For Eye Removal

Be Afraid of the Halloweenie Collie!

My Life Is In Danger Let Me Tell You!

It's The Woman's Fault!!!

My Cool Birthday Cards!

Things Are Better, Thank Dog

I Am A Remiss Doggie

I'm Two Years Old!

Perfect Tosca

Perfect Lamb Babies For Me, The Honorary Sheepdog!

I'm An Honorary Sheepdog!

Update on WOD

How Big IS WOD Really???

My Visiting Frog, WOD

Woot! I Funkify!!!!!!

The Abominable Snow Dog

Why Everybody Should Have A Perfect Collie

My Boyfriend Riot is An Official Stud Dude!

Tosca's Mailbag - Ask Tosca **UPDATED**

I Think The Squirrels are Organizing!

Oh My Dog! I'm an Official Honorary Cat!

So Cool! I Got An Award!

Somebody Take This Handy Cam Away From Her!

I Called Nigeria and Everything Will Be Great Now!

My New Year Resolutions

Tagathon, Listen Up! Show Us Your Tongue!

Happy New Year!

Happy Holidays!

Me and Mojo Sing

Which Reindeer Are You??

Got Snow?????

Ask Tosca Claus

The Woman's Laptop Broke and I Was Biting My Foot!

Leaves! It's What's For Dinner!

I've Been Elfed! **Updated By Mojo!**

7 Wierd Things About Perfect Me

Rain Should Be Against The Law

How Do You Love Me? Let Me Count The Ways

Happy Collieween

Are You Getting Skeered Yet!!!???

Awards To Special Kitties and Great Pumpkins

Snowball In The Face and Giving Myself A Few Awards

Fur Explosion, Nekkid in New York

Marvin Tagged Me For My Nicknames

Then and Now And a Mass Tagathon

Don't Mess With The Halloween Collie Ghoul

Ladies and Gentlemen! Meet the Money Pit!

2nd Annual Tosca Fur Drive in Honor of Fufu

A Loving Gift From Dogsayeview Gomer And Opie

Gorgeous Riot, Perfect Me and a Super Artist

I have not abandoned you.

A Chicken in Every Bowl Doggoneit!

A Present From Uncle Joe and Deacon and Essex!

If It Ain't One Thing, It's Another

Laugh Day And A Mass Tagathon!

Dog Labor Laws

Scary Week and Confused Collie

A Perfect Sonnet In My Mailbag

A Message From Spring Farm Cares To My Perfect Sponsors

Our Profound Love and The Devastating Loss of Our Oscar

Thank You All My Cheerleaders!

Ohhhh My Doggggggg!

Tosca's Mailbag - Ask Tosca UPDATED

I've Been Elfed! Updated By Mojo!